My Favorite Christmas Traditions

My favorite tradition has nothing to do with puppies, but they were so cute, I couldn't resist!!!
I have two favorite traditions from my side of the family.  The first was when I was a child we lived in the Netherlands {Holland}.  They celebrate the first 5 days in December by putting their shoes out on the doorstep.  If they have been good, Father Christmas, {Santa} fills them with gifts, If they have been bad, His elf, short Pete, throws them in a black bag and carries them off to spain, where Father Christmas lives.  No gifts are left in those shoes.  I am not sure we celebrate it exactly the way it is supposed to be done, but after we lived in Holland, for many years we would put out painted wooden shoes from Holland and they would be filler every night from Dec 1st to the 5th. 
Father Christmas, doesn't always make it to my house now, but some years he has brought
presents to my husband.  I must not be a good girl, because he never brings me anything!! :]   [Short Pete needs to whisper in my husbands ear!!]
My 2nd favorite tradition stems from my childhood as well.  As children we would shop for each other a few days before Christmas at the local bargain shop.  We would spend the whole time hiding from each other and then hiding our gifts at home until we could get them wrapped.  Berrett and I have continued the tradition by going to a store together but splitting up and buying for each other.  It's fun to hide from each other and then sneak in the gifts to wrap.  Walmart is usually the store we choose, and its big enough and busy enough that we seldom see each other.  I cannot wait to carry on both of these traditions with our own kids.

Just a thought...

 I was watching the link on LDS.org today about the Video's of the Life Of Christ.  I was really interested in the videos about the angel telling Mary of the impending birth of Christ and her visit to Elizabeth.  http://lds.org/bible-videos?lang=eng
I was watching this and was suddenly struck by the fact that the Lord asks us to endure hard things to receive the most wonderful blessings.  Mary was unmarried, virtuous and yet she still carried the Christ Child. It is amazing to me that she accepted this so willingly.  She must have been treated so badly by those who did not understand.  She could have been rejected by her family, her friends and her Beloved Joseph.  And yet, she said.... " And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her." Luke 1:38

I have been occasionally feeling sorry for myself.  I have watched others get pregnant with no difficulties, or held babies I love, only to send them home with their mom's at the end of the day.  Adoption is not easy!! You go through so many emotions, You have to be interviewed, you have to lay open your personal life to a stranger, You have to find the money to pay for it.. You have to be patient and wait for someone to choose your family.   It can feel like too much sometimes.  I have put some of all of that on the back burner while dealing with my mom's health issues and in some ways it was a relief to do so.  My younger sis is pregnant, and I am happy for her, but also a little sad for me.  I found out recently that some friends adopted and I am happy for them but now curious about their experiences.  I guess I am ready to do more to make this miracle happen.  I am ready to face hard things to receive the miracle.  The Lord requires the best from His servants and sometimes the Very Best can be the Hardest, but I am willing to show myself ready.  I guess I am echoing Mary, by asking the lord to make me His Handmaiden, to let it be unto me.. according to His word.  Whatever that may be.

If You LOVE Oreo's cupcakes!!!

If you love Oreo Cupcakes

Ingredients: for cupcakes
1  package of Oreo's
1 package of Chocolate fudge cake mix{mix according to directions on box}
1/2 package of semi sweet chocolate chips
1 tsp of unsweetened cocoa

Ingredients for Frosting :
8 ounces of cream cheese, room temp
1/2 cup of unsalted butter- room temp.. {1 stick}
3 3/4 cups of powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp of vanilla
1/2 package of Oreos
The other 1/2 Regular Oreo's cut in half or Mini oreo's[optional for decoration}
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preheat oven to 350 degree's.  Line cupcake tins with liners, place a Oreo in the bottom of each liner. Mix the cake mix according to directions.  In another bowl, toss the 1/2 bag of chocolate chips with unsweetened cocoa.   Chop the rest of the first bag of Oreo's coarsley, add chocolate chips and chopped Oreo's to cake mix. Fill the cupcake tins. Bake according to box directions.. {smallest amount recommended in my oven}
While cupcakes are baking make frosting.
Cream together butter and cream cheese. Add vanilla and powdered sugar until blended well. Chop 1/2 remaining regular sized Oreo's very fine.  {You can use a food processer if you have one, I don't. I put a few in a heavy duty ziplock and use a rolling pin to crush them.}  fold into frosting.  Add the rest of the chocolate chips to frosting and foldin.  After cupcakes have cooled, frost and decorate with 1/2 of a large Oreo or mini Oreo's. Refrigerate until serving.

Our Missionary Nephew Comes Home Tomorrow!!

We are so excited to greet our nephew Robert who is coming home from the mission Field tomorrow.

He has been serving in Argentina.   I made him a "candy gram" for a homecoming gift.

I put it in a round plastic container, filled it with the candy and taped the candy gram on the outside.  That way I don't have to carry a big poster board to the airport.

 This is the message I came up with using candy bars and some BYU mints.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Look  Ladies, its Elder Robert Murray that Big Hunk that just got home from the mission field.  It might be quite a Shocker but we expect that soon he will hit the dating scene and start hanging out with some Smarties from BYU.    U-no it may make us Snicker if he brings home any Runts or Airheads.  Just remember Robert,  you don't need to bring a companion on your dates unless you want to look like the 3 Musketeers.  Be a Good & Plenty date and take  her to the movies or the Symphony. You can be a Mr Goodbar in your singles ward and on campus as long as you don't act like all the other Hot shots telling Whoppers about their missions. Follow these words of advice and  you can Skor a Marvolous & Magnificent Companion to take to the temple! 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I tied it with a ribbon and Tada!!! Ready for our missionary!!

Halloween decorating at our house!!

Halloween mobile between kitchen and dining area

Front Door... Spooky!!

Next to front door on landing, hope they don't "walk' away!!

So I was in the mood for Halloween last night and started decorating!! First time in a long time. Berrett seemed slightly amused.  He is the Halloween fan in our family, but with all the kids I have had coming in and out of my place lately, it felt fun to decorate!! I did some of it this morning and my neice Adria seemed to love it!!

My in home pre-school

I have been tending my 4 year old niece a few times a week for the last two months.  Her mom asked me if I could work on some pre school stuff with her and this is the poster I developed to help with our learning.  Lots of fun things on the web that are free to use.  I am enjoying working with her. She is one smart cookie!
I am also still tending Declan, my friends baby boy, and occasionally Kinzlie, the daughter of some other friends in our ward.  Makes for some busy times!!

Love.. Love.. Love.. Babies!!!!

As some of you know, I have been tending a 8 week old baby boy for a friend of mine.  I have to say, after the first 5 minutes I held him, I was in Love.   They don't do much at that age except sleep, eat, cry a little and fill their diapers, but I am loving taking care of him.  I only have him 3 days a week, but I love those 3 days.  Today I tended a friends 8 or 9 month old baby girl.  I have watched her before, and I have to admit that I love her too!!  So different at those various ages.  You do need to do more to entertain them when they are older but still lots of fun.  She and I played Peek a boo for about 20 minutes today and we both were belly laughing!!
 If I had any doubts about going from a career woman to a mom, I no longer do.   I love taking care of these babies.  I do understand that its not the same as a full time mom, but still... I was made to be a mom.   I also no longer have any doubts that I will love my baby through adoption.  I love these 2 babies that I have tended in the last few months, so much and they are not mine.  Still.. I would step in front of a bus for either one of them.    I hope their parents know how much I care.  It can't be easy to leave your baby with some one else, but I take the best care possible. 

 Angela, The 8 week olds mom, left a bassinet here for me to use for him.  There are diapers and blankets in my apartment.  I have formula and baby bottles in my kitchen.  When I walk by these things when he is not here it makes me a little sad, I miss him.  But mostly I miss knowing my own baby.  I can't wait for this journey to be over, and yet, I enjoy the anticipation too.  I love walking through the baby department, looking at clothes and pricing diapers.  I love talking to other mom's about their babies and their sleepless nights.  I love dreaming of our future child, planning names, activities and our future.   I don't know you yet, little one..
But know this... Mommy loves you!!!

Proud to be an American!!

Yesterday in church we sang the "Star Spangled banner" as our closing hymn. As we stood and sang those moving words, I thought about the many men and women who have served our country and who continue to serve.  My dad was one of those men.  He was proud of his time served.  He is buried in the Veterans section of the cemetary in California, and I hope someone places a flag on his grave today.
We have a nephew in the Marines at present and I am proud of him as well.  We look forward to the days when we can raise a family, take them to the 4th of July parade in Riverton, when they can watch Daddy set off fireworks and play on the lawn of our brother in laws home, while we wait for the city fireworks.  I want them to grow up in a land where they can choose where to attend church, where they can be free to vote and make decisions in their community.  I have lived out of the country before, and although I have a great love for those other lands, I value the freedoms of the USA.
Today and every day I am proud to be an American. 

Adoption Classes

Several hours and 1 day later!! I am back!! The classes were great.  To be able to sit in a room with other couples who struggle from infertility and who all have the hope of adoption was great!!  We got to talk with other couples and meet, birth parents, birth mom's, parents who adopted internationally or transracially, or adopted special needs.  We talked about infertility and spoke with a panel of adult adoptee's.
We had Pizza and Pot luck  so we were spiritually fed and physically fed. We saw children's books that taught about adoption, race, culture and embracing our differences.

I even think that although Berrett found portions of it to be slow or slow moving, he was also inspired.  He began to talk to me about fund raising and our own hopes.  It was great!!  They gave us a small gift at the end, a picture of Joseph holding the Savior as a infant.  It speaks about Joseph being a adoptive father.  A very special thought!!
Here is the link to her page and the thoughts of the painter as she made this very special painting!!
http://www.kendraburton.com/kendra%20burton%20joseph%20detail.htm

Going forward

I have to admit that since I was laid off from my job, I have had moments of doubt about going forward with our adoption plans.  I was talking to a good friend of mine about this and she said "go ahead, you don't want to wonder years from now if you should have done something when you didn't."  I think she is right.  I know that when we prayed about adoption and what we should do about our family, we felt that this decision was right.   I don't know how we are going to pay for it.  I don't know where we are going to be living in the near future.  I am not sure that birthparents will choose us, but I am sure that Heavenly Father has something in mind.  I do wish that these answers would be clearer!!  It could be nice to know exactly what to do, but then how would we ever exercise our faith?
Tonight and tomorrow we have our adoption classes.  Today we are meeting with our doctor to have our medical forms filled out.  He is also such a good friend after all these years that we want to share our good news with him!!  We need to take our ID's and social security cards to LDS family services in West Valley to start our back ground checks, and need to pick up the training manual.  Its going to be a full day!!
Berrett is at physical therapy and when he gets home we will begin to run our errands.  I have a potential Interview next week.  I am hoping that it might work out, but praying to know what Heavenly Father would have me do.
 I would welcome a job, and the money it brings, but I also wish there was a way for me to work at home, so I could be here when We have a baby placed with us.  Please pray that we find some answers, and a prayer for a baby to be brought to our home would be appreciated as well.

The Problem with not having a job!!

Okay guys, I am truly bored!!!!!!  My apartment is clean.  I don't feel like cleaning out another closet today.  I got up, worked out, showered, dressed, read my email, ate breakfast, called my old HR department so I can can get a termination notice so Berrett can add me to his insurance and then.... I made Spudnuts!!
http://trafficofmymind.blogspot.com/?spref=fb { My other blog for recipe...}

So I now have 62 spudnuts raising in my kitchen.  I guess I will be making the rounds tonight to family and friends for Family Home evening.   Because Berrett and I are not going to eat 62 doughnuts!!!
I am tempted to work out again, just to keep my mitts off of these beautys!!
I tend to either craft or cook when I am bored!! I need a project!!  I am planning on going over to my sister in laws to scan photos tomorrow.  She needs a dvd montage for my nephews Eagle Scout Court of honor, and I need some family photo's for our Adoption Profile.  She had surgery a week ago and then had some complications, so I am sure she will welcome a visit.  But until then, I AM SO BORED!!! Its funny, before when I was working I had 4 days off at home, one was a sunday, but I was seldom bored.  Of course I worked On Thursday, Friday and Saturday, so by Monday I needed to clean the apartment.  Tuesday was Laundry day, and Weds, I was spending with Linda.  I really need some Linda time, I need to give her a call.
I guess I will go on line and apply at a few more call centers!!  I can't wait to start tending Angela's Baby next week.  I know there will come a time when we have a baby in the house of my own and I will long for these quiet days,   But until then, Its hard to appreciate!!

Glazed... Yummm!!!

Cinnamon Sugar...Are you drooling yet?

Another Chewy bite of the elephant!!

Today Berrett had a doctor appointment so He took the day off so we could run some errands.  I applied for a new social security card and also sent away for a copy of my birth certificate.  We had to go to the bank to get the request form notarized for the birth certificate.  While we were there the bank guy noticed we were getting charged some fee's that we shouldn't have to pay so he adjusted our account.  We mailed the birth certificate request and my social should be coming soon. 
 I also got my unemployment card in the mail.  It wasn't a BIG bite of the elephant but every I dotted and every T crossed is one more step in the direction of our future child.   Its also fun to explain to people why we need the documentation. When we explain that we are pursuing a adoption they get excited for us!!
By the time this is over I may even develop a taste for elephant steak!!

We joined the Mormon Mommy Bloggers!!

I have enjoyed the Mormon Mommy blogs, http://www.mormonmommyblogs.com/ and just got a email from them that we have been accepted into their community of Mormon mommy bloggers!! Yay!! We are featured in the Adoption and foster care section. 

I am hoping that this helps us have more contacts out their that might bring us to our future baby.
My nephew {Blake} has an aunt,[his dad's sister] who had a baby on mothers day.  She will be starting back to work soon and I offered to be her Child Care provider.  She will probably use me at least part of the time. I am excited to spend some time with a new born.  I could use the practice.  Plus it will be a bit more income coming in.  I need to get our place ready for our home study soon.  The problem is I am fighting a bit of a depression about leaving my job and not really being sure what to do next.  I want to be available for our adoption classes and we have pre paid for a vacation in August.  So I really don't want to start working anywhere until at least then.  I applied on line to Convergys today just to see what my options are.  I may apply at 1800contacts in the fall.  Or maybe even Jetblue.  I would love to work from home at some point.  I wish I knew exactly what the Lord has in mind for us,  If I am supposed to be working, Or if I am supposed to be at home for some reason.  Is their a baby in our near future??
A dear Friend at church told me that she got excited when she heard that I had lost my job because she said something bad always happens when the Lord has a great blessing in store for you.  I am hopeful that this is true, but I am trying not to get my hopes up too high either because I don't want to be disappointed.
We are praying daily for answers, where to live, how to pay for the adoption, and that the Lord will let us know when a child is meant to be ours.  I wish answers came more directly then just through our feelings or through the actions of others.  But I know that I must have faith.  He has a family in mind for us at some time.  In His Time. 

weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, Ps. 30:5

Well, On Saturday I got laid off from my job of 20 years.   They said it had nothing to do with job performance just couldn't afford me any longer.  I have never felt like I was irreplaceable, but I was surprised.
 At first all I could think was this puts our adoption dreams to an end, but the more I have prayed and pondered on the matter, the more I know that we need to go ahead.  Some time the Lord has a baby in mind for our home and I have to depend on my faith to know that He knows what he is doing.  I will apply for unemployment, get my apartment ready for a home study.  I may look for a job eventually, or I may wait to see what the Lord has in mind for us.  I keep asking myself if maybe the Lord needs me to be home at this time.  I don't want to anticipate the blessing, but maybe our child is coming soon? I don't know.  I will try to remember my Mother in laws favorite scripture.  Proverbs 3:5-6 
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Please remember us in your prayers!

How we feel about adoption

I was talking to Berrett's mom and sister yesterday about the whole process of adoption, explaining the documents needed the home study etc. and his mom said "boy things sure have changed!"  She is right it is different from when she adopted Berrett.  Some things are easier, some are harder.   Berrett's story is his own to share, but let me just say it was a different time.
Before we were married we had talked about adoption.  Because of Berrett's history is seemed like a natural way to fill out our family.  We didn't know we would have problems with infertility but we had discussed it.  We had close friends who had struggled and we knew it could happen.  So recently when our case worker asked us how infertility had effected our marriage, we were surprised.  We don't feel like it has effected our marriage in a bad way.  We have turned to each other in our times of frustration, our sadness, but we have never blamed each other.  What happens to one of us, happens to both of us.  We are already a family.  If the Lord does not bless us with children in this life, we are still a family.  We want children, we pray for children, we plead for children, but if it doesn't happen we will go on.  We will continue to build our marriage and pray for understanding and peace.  We understand that family is a Eternal concept and we believe we will be blessed with children in the Lord's time, either in this life or the next.   But we hope, we pray and want children if it is all possible.
There are times, especially for me, when waiting is hard.   I love kids!! I am never happier then when I am in the company of children.  I love my calling in the church with the primary children.  I love the time I spend with the young women at girls camp.  I love my nieces and nephews.  I love to hear their stories, play their games,  hug and comfort them when they cry, laugh with them when they are happy.  I love being a aunt, but I long to be a mommy.   Berrett loves children too.  He adores all the babies in our ward, he points out to me, their cute little outfits, he has a special favorite among our friends who he always wants to hold.  He longs to be a daddy. We talk about books we want to read to them,  places we want to visit.  When we decorate our tree at Christmas, we talk about hanging their ornaments, hanging their stockings, putting cookies out for Santa.  We dream of decorating a nursery, watching them grow and change.  We look forward to the Dance recitals, the sporting events, the science fairs, even the endless home work.  I tease Berrett about protecting a daughter from "those boys" when she begins to date, and he teases me about little boys and the creatures I may find in their pockets.   We dream of our family and we pledge to do our very best for our little family.  We promise to kiss the boo boo's and dry the tears.  We promise to love them with all our hearts, even when they are not so lovable!!  We promise to share the miracle of their births with them and want them to honor their birth parents.  We feel that a child's arrival in this world is a sacred gift, and their own story.  Their adoption will never be a secret, but their story will be sacred.  It will be theirs to share with others as they want or need.  We want them to know how much we love and respect the way they arrived in this world and the people who brought them to us.   We don't know at this time how open we want our adoption to be.  We feel good about cards, letters, email, photo's and sharing information with our child's first family.  We don't know enough about "open adoption " to know how we feel about visits, or continual physical contact.  We really feel like Heavenly Father will guide us to the best plan for us and for our child's first family.   We hope that the people who consider us as parents will understand that we are still learning about the process.  So if you are looking, please understand that we are willing to consider your needs and desires as well.  We want everyone to be as happy about the process as possible.  We also want to protect your privacy and the privacy of our child.   We love this child.. Even before they are here, they are growing in our hearts every day.  We are so grateful for the chance to look into adoption and for the gift that expectant parents may offer to families like ours.   Who ever you are, May the lord bless you at this time and through out your whole lives.

Memory from our Wedding day!!

Anyone who knows us well, hears this story at least once.  Keep in mind you are hearing it from my perspective, Berrett has a slightly different version of the events.  Where I find humor in the situation he seems to only remember the frustration!!
We were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on a some what cloudy day in May 1999.   We had pictures taken at the temple and then after changing out of our wedding clothes, joined our family for a yummy wedding lunch.  We escaped to our apartment for a bit,  and had a nap.."really we just napped"!!  Then Berrett and I drove out to Riverton.  He dropped me off at my mom's where my sister was going to touch up my makeup and touch up my hair-do.  I had been there about 30 minutes when I realized I had left my jewelry and garter at our apartment.  I called Berrett in a panic and he offered to drive the 20 minutes back to our apartment, and find said items.  I told him it wasn't worth it and he said "no, its your day and you should feel beautiful and complete."  so he told his mom he was running back to our apartment.  The Reception  was in about 2 hours time, but his Mom was also in panic mode.  She asked him to stop and pick up the rolls and desserts from 2 different bakeries on his way back.  He told her he didn't think he had time but he would try.  He raced to our apartment, called me because he had no idea where my jewelery or garter was, found the items and then called his mom to say he would not have time to stop at the bakeries.   Her words were" but no one else can do it!!"  Mean while I am at his house in my wedding dress with the photographer who is taking pics of me and my family and his family in every way without my groom.  His brothers in law are standing around waiting as well and Berrett often points out that one of them could have gone.  Now don't get us wrong all of his family prepared the house, the yard and some of the food.  They also spent the whole time at the reception serving food, doing dishes and waiting on OUR guests.  They were and are wonderful people who serve their family with all their hearts. 
Berrett races to the first bakery and the rolls are not even boxed.  he waits, loads them in and then races to the 2nd bakery for the desserts.  This bakery is a little mom and pop place with no sign on the door.   Berrett is driving around the parking lot looking for this place.  He finally gets out of the car and is looking at each individual shop.  His mom has called that bakery and the owner pokes his head out and asks him if he is Berrett?  They have a 3X5 card on their door with the bakery name!!  He loads the desserts in, comes to a screeching halt in front of his parents house.  His brothers wife, basically strips him of his outer clothes and dresses him in his tux.  {at this point she saw more of my husband unclothed then I had ! LOL]  We took about 15 minutes of pictures together after his dad told him to be calm and not to ruin "MY" day and we raced in the back door to stand in line while our guest strolled through the front door.
To this day no one can mention our wedding without Berrett teasing his mom about the fact that "no one but the groom" could pick up the food.
All in all it was a wonderful day!! We had a lot of guests, I got the chance to talk to some of Berrett's child hood friends who came.  One in particular told me that his child hood was the best because Berrett was his friend.  
My husband neglected to pack for the honeymoon so at Midnight I was packing his bags.  {setting a precedent that now I ALWAYS do the packing}  and we washed our car at 1am and drove back to our apartment.  We left on our official Honeymoon to Disneyland at 5am the next day.   So much for sleep!!
The main thing that I take from this whole adventure is Berrett's willingness to serve me and his mom on a day so filled with stress.  He is like that, He serves lovingly and willingly. [{but he may not let you forget about it, sorry Mom!!}

Another Bite of that Darn Elephant!

When we got home last night, there was a UPS notice on the door.  It had to be signed for so, it must be our marriage certificate.  I got on UPS.com and after a very frustrating period of time where it wouldn't accept my credit card info {had to pay $4.00 to change delivery date.} I finally got the payment to go through and scheduled for my next day off, which is next week.
So after that comes, I can go to the social security office and get my card.  Not even sure how long that takes, or if they issue it while I am there.  I have to do in person because my last card, had my maiden name on it.  I know, I know, I have been married 12 years and never changed my social security card.  So when it comes to documents, I move slowly!!  LOL!! {Does anyone know if they mail it, Or can I get it while I wait?}
Then we can take our Id's and social security cards to LDS social services and start our back ground check!! That will be another bite of the elephant!!

We are attending the temple this weekend and I am looking forward to a few moments of peace.  I hope that we can find some answers to our prayers.  Lots of decisions to make about our future.  Where to live, how to pay for the adoption etc.  
I have a feeling that all these bites of elephant are not going to be too bad.. its going to be the digesting {waiting for baby} that will be the hardest.

The Salt Lake Temple came through!!

Well my friends, when our storage unit flooded over a year ago, a box that I had stupidly stored documents in was ruined.  One of those Items was our sealing certificate.  We need a copy of that for our adoption.  Well our case worker informed us that we "Had" to have a copy of that document, even though our church records clearly state that we were sealed to each other on this date, at the Salt Lake Temple.  Oh well who am I to argue, right??  Well I called the Salt Lake Temple and asked for a copy.   3 weeks later, I am checking the mail last night and Lo and behold, they re- issued a copy of our sealing certificate.  YAY!!
Yesterday I ordered our Marriage Certificate.  Once we get the copy of that I can go get a social security card, {that was damaged in the flood as well}.  I also need to find a day when both Berrett and I can go the bank and have our request applications notarized for our certified birth certificates. 
Are you dizzy yet??  We also need to make appointments with our doctor and have him give us a clean bill of health, except for our infertility.  I got my employment verifcation filled out, sent Berrett's with him today.
We need to do our back ground checks through the agency, but I can't do that till I have my social security card, which I can't get until we have our marrige certificate!!
AAAGGH!!  Okay, just a few more bites of that elephant!! I keep telling myself that at the end of this journey we get one of these!!

Looking a baby websites and blogs

I found a blog recently that reviews products for babies and their mom's.  They are reviewed by mommies and they don't receive any compensation for their reviews.  They also offer freebies and give aways.
so I thought I would share their blog with my friends.
http://takeitfrom-me.blogspot.com/2011/05/baby-bash-mommys-bliss-gripe-water.html
This is a give away product for babies with colic.  its all natural and seems to work well from their reviews.
I am really enjoying reading about all things "mommy" and all things "baby"!!
Berrett will laugh at this and tell me I am obsessed, but I am actually like many other "expectant: mom's I am just doing some research, and who doesn't love free things!!

Eating the elephant.. one bite at a time!!

So,  Tuesday we met with our case worker.  It was a overwhelming experience!  When we arrived at the office, we noticed several young girls waiting in the reception area.  Later we  laughed because we both were wondering if these girls were here to talk about placement.   When we met our case worker she asked if we minded if a student sat in.  I just automatically answered "sure".  Berrett said he would have said no.  I am sorry honey!!  
The only thing that did not impress me about our case worker was, I wish she had told us a little bit about herself at the beginning.  Other then her name, we knew nothing about her.  It might have helped to know how long she had worked there, and what brought her to that type of work. I only say this because putting us at ease would have been nice before we dived into our personal lives.   We are sitting there sharing all this information about ourselves, some of it quite personal with a total stranger.
I guess though, we will have a similar experience with potential birth parents, so we will just have to get over it! :}
She asked all her questions and then gave us a folder with forms to fill out.  Back ground checks,  employment verification, medical forms for our doctors, both regular and a form for infertility.   She told us we will be issued a log in and pass word on itsaboutlove.org and we will both have to fill out questionnaires as well as financial stuff.  We will need to turn in names of 4 references for LDS family services to contact.  We are praying about who to choose. It was a overwhelming amount of information in a short period of time.
But at the same time exciting.  I keep trying to look at it in the whole "eating the elephant" way. You know one bite at a time!!
So as I posted before, we have a lot of paperwork ahead of us, but we will get through it.  I know that Berrett has put me in charge of all that!!  He will still have to fill out some forms as well.   I went on
itsaboutlove.org and read some of the other couples birth mother letters.   Its heart breaking to see so many couples who are longing for a child.  Its a lot of people that the birth mother has to look through.  If I didn't have the faith that the Lord will bring us our child, in his way and in his time, I might be discouraged.   I do know that the Lord wants us to have children and He will find a way.   We just have to be patient, and keep biting that elephant!!

One of the best moments of my life!!

This last summer I was a Stake Assistant Camp Director for our churches girls camp.  We had a wonderful fireside night with Sister Elaine Dalton.  She is an amazing lady.  But I came to realize that the girls at camp are amazing women!! Such strength!! Such testimonies!! It was one of the best moments of my life!! Sleeping on the ground, unwashed, cold and tired, but still so spiritual.
You leave the things of the world behind when you go to girls camp, and that in turn brings you closer to Heavenly Father.

Our theme was "Come to the Temple the Mountain of the Lord. ".  We made temple time capsules. I got to make the one we presented to Sister Dalton.  She was so excited!! We told her that the girls were going to be able to open it when they went through the temple for the first time.  Enclosed was a white handkerchief, a temple reccomend holder, Letters from their YW leaders, and letters they wrote to a future spouse or children.  She wanted to know when she got to open her's and asked if she could the next time she went to the temple.
We also all wore the value colors.  Each ward had one of the value colors and the Stake wore the "gold" for  Virtue.  All the leaders and girls signed one of the sweatshirts for our "surprise guest".  They didn't know it was going to be sister Dalton until she showed up.  We gave it to her and she immediatly put it on.
 Once again very excited!! She was like one of the girls herself!!

Here's Jenn our Stake camp director presenting it to her!

Here she is putting it on!!

She was so happy!! All the girls seemed pleased as well!!

 We had a great time with her and she made all of us feel special and loved!!  I will never forget this time at girls camp.

When You're her age what will matter to you the most?

For me, the answer to that question is my Family, and the memories we have made together.  There is nothing more important to me then the ones I love and who love me.  It won't matter if I achieved great success in my chosen career, or if my home was immaculate.  It will matter to me that my husband knew I loved him every day of our lives.  It will matter to me that I spent time decorating sugar cookies at Christmas with my kids, and nephews and nieces.  It will matter to me that I was there for a friend who needed me.   It will be the hugs given and kisses cherished.  It will be the stories we shared of our loves, losses and triumphs.  It will be the lessons I taught them and they taught me about Our Savior and Our Heavenly Father.  It will be the knowledge that I can move on to the next life knowing that I will hear the words "well done, thou good and faithful servant".
I am holding on to that dream.. Of being a grandma, looking back on my life and knowing that this hard time of waiting for our children was worth it.  The look in her eyes tells me she is glad, she is satisfied, she is happy.
What will matter to you?

Paper work and Snooze buttons!!

Well I contacted the Salt Lake Temple today to request a copy of our sealing certificate.  I am afraid that in the move, I may have lost it!! I can't find it at the present, so instead of tearing through my apartment like a whirling dervish, I just requested a copy from the temple.  You can bet that the day I receive it in the mail, I will find my original copy!! 
Also got online to see how to get certified copies of our birth certificates.  We have to have the request documents notarized!!  So I will be working on that next.
Still have not heard from our case worker.  Berrett is under the impression that none of them are full time employee's so it may take them a while to contact us.  I did call and leave a message on the "adoption secretary's" voice mail to be sure they received our Bishops letter.
Berrett thinks I am being too impatient.  I just want to get done whatever we can, now!!
I guess he doesn't feel the same urgency that I do.  I don't know that getting all of this done quickly will make any difference.  Our Birth Mother could be years down the road, but she also could be looking now.  I would just feel better becoming qualified as quickly as possible and then begin the wait.  I really do understand that we may have to wait a long time, but why take a chance?
Also, the sooner we become qualified, the sooner we can start sending out our profile to friends and family, order the pass along cards and pens.  The sooner the Lord can help us find our child!!
Sometimes it can be difficult to be married to someone who is seldom in a hurry!! LOL!!
I guess the other problem for me is, my biological clock is not only ticking the alarm is going off!! I cannot continue to hit snooze!!
I do understand that Heavenly Father may want to teach me patience, but He may also want to teach my husband about Faith!!
So another step begins!!
Also to everyone who has expressed such loving support, we thank you!!  We appreciate all your prayers and good wishes!! Just remember that ,when I ask you to pass along pens and cards, and remember that, when your eyes begin to glaze over when I continually speak of our wish to adopt!

Happy Birth mothers Day!!

To all the Birth Mothers out there, Have a Happy day!!
Please honor those who have placed children in the past present and future!!
Please pray for our future birth mom as well!!

Bishop Referral

We met with our Bishop last night to help him fill out the paperwork required by LDS family  services.  They were pretty in depth questions.  They asked him to describe our relationship with each other and how we relate to others around us.  They asked about substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, and a whole lot of problems that should prevent couples from even considering adoption.   I am grateful that none of these are problems for Berrett and I but I also understand why they ask.  It was fun to sit and talk to the Bishop about our views on finances, parenting, our relationship.  
It also confirmed to me that Berrett and I view things in a similiar fashion.  There are some differences but not conflicting ones.   We really are ready for this!!  It was so sweet to hear my husband say that I am his best friend!! He is mine as well.
It gave us a small preview of what to expect in the couples interview as well as the individual ones with our case worker.
We have taken another step on our journey!!  Looking at that long staircase up ahead!!

Adoption Orientation

So we did it!! We had our first meeting!!  It was both scary and exciting!!  Looks like we have a lot paperwork ahead!!  We need our birth certificates, marriage certificate, temple sealing certificate, a recommendation letter from our bishop.   We will have a caseworker assigned to us once our bishop returns our recommendation letter. 
We need to buy a fire extinguisher for our apartment, and I need to go through and get rid of few more things before we have our home study.  Just so we have more room!!  We will have a "couple" interview and then individual interviews.
We will need to pay 1000.00 up front and a 300.00 fee for the home study.  The rest of the fee's will be due at placement of the baby.    We have to have a criminal background check, references from family and friends and  eventually set up our profile, so we will need to get pictures taken!!
Whew!! What a process!! 
It was funny though, she talked about how couple who are proactive and use blogs, placement cards, and who get the word out that they are looking to adopt, have better success.  I had to laugh inside, what she calls proactive, Berrett calls "obsessive" and THAT  fits my personality type.  Give me a project and I get consumed with it.  I am already making lists of all the people instate and out of state who we can send placement cards to!!
Interesting facts about adoption.   A lot more couples then babies available.  They encourage couples to look into other options as well, such as private adoption, other agencies and foster adoption.  We will have to pray and ponder over those decisions.  
If you travel to another state to adopt, you will have to stay in that state until the caseworker there gives you permission to leave with the baby and a case worker in Utah gives you permission to come home to Utah.  They had a couple there looking into a 2nd adoption who waited in OHIO for 2 weeks after placement of their baby.
Berrett shared with the group of couples that he was adopted and showed some real interest in the organization called "families that support adoption"
We took Berrett's parents to dinner last night and filled them in. 
I asked the caseworker if a 1 bedroom apartment would count against us in a home study and she said not necessarily as long as we have a plan to  be in bigger quarters eventually.    I really liked the feelings I got at LDS family services.  We have a testimony that the Lord wants us to have a family, and he will find a way to bring that child to us!!   The case worker also assured us that sometimes you don't receive placement through one of those avenues but that the Lord See's how hard you have tried and blesses you in another way.
I think that its possible to leave one of those meetings and feel a little discouraged, especially when you hear how many couples are looking, but I don't feel that way... well maybe a teeny tiny amount!! But we are trying to extend our faith that this is the way are meant to fill our family.
So eventually we will be making and sending out placement cards, they said if your friends and family are willing to leave those with tips at restaurants, with hair stylists, In borrowed library books, with doctors and dentist offices, with bishops and stake presidents, young men and young women leaders etc.  Any "golden Contact" possible!! Feels a little like missionary work!
If you would be interested in helping us find our forever family and wouldn't mind giving out placement cards, please let us know!!
Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes and your words of support!!

We are on our way!!

Orientation Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the real beginning to our journey.  We meet with LDS family services at 3pm.
Is it crazy that I am wondering what I should wear?  Church clothes?  Dressier slacks and blouse?  Berrett will be coming straight from work, so probably not church clothes.  I know this is only the orientation but still first impressions and all!!
I'm also thinking about my Mothers Day Madness at the floral call center next week. Its going to be  a LONG Week..  I will work every day about 12 hours a day. 
I wonder if I will feel differently about Mothers Day this year?  I have had years where it didn't bother me at all, other times its the hardest day of my year.   It should be interesting.

Paper Pregnant

I Saw a funny tshirt on the web the othe day that was made for Expectant Adoptive Moms that said "paper pregnant".  I laughed but then I really began to think about it.  The ladies I know who are expecting all have some way that shows it.  Whether morning sickness, swollen ankles, protruding tummy or a sore back.   I am not saying I really miss all those symptoms, but I miss the obvious signs that I am a Expectant Mom!!  I miss the "when are you due?"  umm.  not sure....  The Compliments about the "pregnant glow".  It is true that adoption doesn't cure infertility. I just may have to buy that T-shirt!!

Sometimes I am not the girl he married....

This morning I said something unthoughtful and careless to my husband.  He had a very restless night, in pain and uncomfortable.  After coming to bed in the wee hours of the morning and finally getting a few hours of sleep I woke him up and hurried him along.  He asked me if he had enough time to get a hot shower before I had to be to work.  I rolled my eyes and acted annoyed and basically told him to hurry and told him "he always made me late."  He did remind me that he was in pain and wondered if I understood even 1/10th of what he was feeling.
I do remember that kind of pain, I don't feel it as often any more but I do remember, but what I don't often remember is my patient, loving husband who listened to me complain, slowed down for me in shopping centers, took me to endless doctor visits and loved me through out.
So sweet heart let me say I am sorry that sometimes I forget that you are still the same sweet guy I married.
If I get frustrated and forget to be kind, I apologise.  I need to remember that I married a man who drives me to work every day.  Who holds my hand and dances with me in grocery store.  Who sends me rosebuds in texts.  Who prays with me every day and sleeps beside me every night. 
Some times I need to be reminded that you deserve that sweet girl who you married.  I promise to try to change my impatient ways!!

I love you and can't wait to start the next chapter in our lives.  Last night you called me "mommy" for the first time and my heart just about leaped out of my chest.  To be the mother of your children will be the best gift I can ever share with you.  I can't wait to see a sweet boy or girl look up at you and call you "daddy". They will be so lucky to have you in their lives. 
I hope you forgive me for my unthoughtful actions!!
Much love,
Your Kay

Infertility Our Own Special Wilderness

I was reading my scriptures this morning and was struck by a verse in 1 Nephi 17:3

"And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen  them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."

One my struggles has been the commandment to "multiply and replenish the earth."  We are told to obey all the commandments but what do you do when your body doesn't work in such a way that you can obey the commandment?   I know that this scripture is talking about providing for Nephi's family by feeding them and caring for them in the wilderness, but it struck me today that we are being obedient and that the Lord will strengthen us, Nourish us with his words and like Nephi's family with the Liahona He will guide us in this wilderness called Infertility.  Adoption is our wooden bow.  We may have broken our steel bow's {infertility} but He has provided a way for us to become parents.
The April Ensign has a wonderful lesson about Faith and Infertility.  I hope if any others struggle with this issue that they will read it.  I also pray that others who have been blessed with children read it as well. We need your understanding.
http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng
I love the way you can read the scriptures many times and every time find the answers to your prayers!!

Just an idea...

As you know we are looking to raise some of the money needed to pay for our adoption.  LDS family services is not as expensive as many other adoption agencies, but we still need to raise a sizable amount.
We have considered many possibilities, A bake sale, Cook books, T shirts, a yard sale.  But a family member mentioned a benefit concert.  As many of you know Berrett has many friends in the community who sing, play instruments and act.   If we were able to organize such a event would you be willing to pay to attend?
If you are a performer would you be willing to donate your time and talent to our cause?  We are also looking for a venue that might be willing to donate the rental as well.   Just putting some ideas out there. 
We are still in the planning stages so this is just a thought at the moment.  If you have any great ideas, or know of some that others have used we would love your input.  Thanks to all of you who have been reading our blog!! We appreciate the interest.  

Its not cancer!!

My best friend was diagnosed with cancer almost 10 years ago. She fought a long and hard battle and survived.  This last week she found a lump near the site of her original cancer and the doctors did a biopsy.  On Friday she received the results and the nurse told her it was a "A typical Mass" which could indicate cancer.  Berrett gave her a priesthood blessing that night and promised her the doctors would look at the results and know exactly what to do.  We fasted and prayed for her over the weekend, and today she called and the doctor says its not cancer!!  I guess the site has a lot of extra blood vessels in the area because of the radiation and so the lump looked suspicious. They do want to do another biopsy in a few months when it has healed, but for now it looks really good!!! Yay!!!  This dear friend of ours is going to be "Aunt" to our future child and we can't imagine not having her in our lives.  The Lords blessings are so apparent!!  Thank you Heavenly Father!!

Lullabye for a birth mom!!! Beautiful!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBhetR7iHzI&feature=share
A friend from church sent me to her friends blog. They adopted a little boy.  She had this video posted on her website.  I love this song!! Says all the things I wish I could say!! Enjoy!!

“For today and its blessings, I owe the world an attitude of gratitude.”

Today was a blessed day!!  Sunday with my honey.  We attended church and I had the chance to hear my husband bear testimony of the power of the priesthood, and how blessed he feels to have the chance to receive revelation.  Its one of the things that I truly love about him.  He loves the Lord and knows what great wonders happen in his life on a daily basis.  I went to primary and learned a little more about my calling as a first counseler.  I held our pianist's baby all through sharing time.  That was wonderful.  I had one of my students ask me "why I quit as his teacher".  That was a hard one!! How do you explain to child about callings and the way they can change our plans at a moments notice?  I took him aside and explained that the bishop called me to be a counseler, that they needed my help in the presidency and that I would never quit loving him, or quit on him!! I wanted him to know, I was still his friend and teacher, if in a different form.
These children in our primary, teach me every week.  They have simple sweet testimonies of the gospel and of their savior.  If they express love  or appreciation they mean it!!

Then we came home, had a little nap and then had dinner with Bears side of the family.  I got to hear a few jokes from my niece, watch the newest baby boy in the family, coo and smile.  Heard all the latest news about our missionary nephews and bask in the warmth and love of family.  Sundays with our family are some of the best times.  Its getting late and I should go to bed.  I am so grateful for my family, my calling, my husband and my life.  Today was a blessed day.

All because two people fell in love!!

Isn't it interesting the way people meet? When I met Bear, he was dating a friend of mine.  We had hung out together in a group and I remember thinking " I like that guy!! He is so nice."
One day he picked me up on his way to her house.  We arrived a little early and sat on her front lawn talking.  He told me all about his great love for the theater and performing.  He focused quite a bit on "Phantom of the Opera".  I wasn't as familier with it at the time.  So he explained the plot, the music, and the meaning he found in the story.  He was so passionate about the arts, and I found that quite attractive.
But he was dating my friend so I kept those feelings to myself.
A few months later they broke up, and I did my best to help him recover from the heartache!!  Now don't get me wrong, I did check with my friend, I am not the kind of girl who would steal another girls guy!!  To this day he still thinks it was his idea to take me out, and to kiss me on our 3rd date... well  if that makes him happy who am I to argue.
Now the thing you have to understand about Berrett is, he.... takes.... his.... time...!!  We dated for 6 years before he popped the question.  Let me tell you it was worth the wait.  He invited me to come along on a family vacation and asked me to marry him at Disneyland!!  It was so romantic and even more special because he knew that my parents had gotten engaged there.
We were married in the Salt Lake Temple, 1 year, 1 month and 1 day later!!   It was the happiest day of both of our lives!!  We have been married for almost 12 years.  He has a wonderful family with a lot of neices and nephews that we love like they were our own kids!!  I can truly say that we are Super Aunt and Uncle!!
We spent our honeymoon at Disneyland and we have returned there time and time again.  He always walks me back to our spot at Snow Whites grotto, and we make a wish in the wishing well.   So many of those wishes have been for a family.   We dream of taking our little girl or boy to our favorite place and introducing them to the magic kingdom.  Seeing  Disneyland through the eyes of our child would be the best vacation of all.
Berrett still loves the theater and holds down a 2nd part time job, working in the box office.  He still takes.. his... time... making... decisions, but  I am used to it!!    His daytime job is In IT for a major corporation.
I work for a local flower shop as a customer rep in their call center.  I have worked in different aspects of this job for over 20 years.  I have been a designer, wedding consultant, manager, assistant manager, and now I am quite happy spending 3 days a week taking phone orders from our loyal customers!!
We are both active in church.  I love the Primary, I have been a teacher and I am now beginning a new calling as 1st counseler in our ward primary.  I also hold a calling as Stake Asst. Girls camp director.  Berrett still giggles about this because I was not a camper,  but now I love it!!   Berrett has been the secretary in the Elders quorum and is at present the ward clerk.  We both served Missions around the same time.  He served in California and I served in New Zealand.
I love to cook and make up new recipes.  We both love to do crafts and Berrett is the proud owner of a CRICUT cutter.  I only have visitation rights!! LOL!  I love to read for fun, and he loves to read for Information.   He is the quiet one, although He is not shy.  I am the talker, and quite shy!!   I tend to run at the mouth when I am nervous!! 

We love to go to movies, and the theater and try to keep up on our weekly dates.  Some of our best dates have been sitting in the childrens section of the bookstore reading kids books to each other.  We like road trips and have some of our best conversations there.  I have read all the Harry Potter books to Bear while on these road trips.  We like a lot of the same music and Bear will surprise me with ballet and concert tickets as often as he can.  We give new meaning to the definition "young at heart"!!   We work hard, and we play hard!!