|Lead Kindly Light.. Amid the encircling gloom..|
This was one of the scriptures my nephew Andrew shared at his home coming today. It made me stop and think. Am I a person who trusts in faith? I try. I am also a person who asks a lot of questions, who looks at things from every angle, who wants to know NOW what is in store.
I have said many times that one of the things that the Lord is trying to teach me in this whole adoption journey is patience... Now I also think he is asking me to let go.. Have faith in HIM and trust.
Funny... I don't have a perfect knowledge of when our baby will come. I do have a hope for things which are not seen, And I know that it is true that Heavenly Father desires to bless us with a child!!
And Alma goes on: " 22 And now, behold, I say unto you, and I would that ye should remember, that God is merciful unto all who believe on his name; therefore he desireth, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word."
I also know that any child that comes to us will come through the tender mercies of the Lord. He desires that I Believe him when he tells my heart that the time is coming.
And further on in the same chapter: "
27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.
29 Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge.
30 But behold, as the seed swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good; for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow.
31 And now, behold, are ye sure that this is a good seed? I say unto you, Yea; for every seed bringeth forth unto its own likeness.
32 Therefore, if a seed groweth it is good, but if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away."
Today I feel as if I have finally awakened to the fact that I have to experiment on his words.. and exercise a particle of faith. If a young woman out there looks to us as a possibility, I can no more control her decision that I could control a seed!! If it is a good situation, If it is right then that seed of trust, of faith in us, will grow.. and my faith will be strengthened. If it is not a good seed or situation then it will not progress, it will not grow. And then we will know that this was not the child that Heavenly Father meant us to have.
It can be so hard to trust in the Lord and to have the faith that he will bless you when you desire something so much!!!
I am sitting in sacrament today learning what the Lord is trying to teach me, and then they sing " Lead Kindly Light"
Here are the words:
Lead Kindly light amid the encircling gloom, lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead thou me on!
keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
the distant scene- one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now Lead thou me on.
I loved the garish day and spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.
So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
will lead me on O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
the night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
which I have loved long since, and lost a while!"Lead Kindly light "
It can be hard to step into the dark and put your full faith in the Lord. I am going to do my best. I look at the picture above and I see two women. I see myself, seeking the comfort of the Lord, and I see our babies mother. She must feel that she is walking into dark places. I wish I could reach out and hug her today. Tell her of the great Love we already feel for her. We also understand that the love she has for her baby comes with great pain. The pain of choosing another family for her child. I want her to know that we will honor that sacrifice and gift every day. We will never forget at what cost we became a family. We pray for her daily, and pray that the loving arms of our Lord and Savior are wrapped around her as she makes hard decisions. Oh Father in Heaven, lead us all on. Keep our feet, and guide us to each other!!