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Thursday, November 22, 2012

We have been home from our Disneyland trip a week now! We had a great time with Linda and Tracey!! If you haven't been to California Adventure in a while it is now worth it!! Cars land alone is SO FUN!!! It has changed the whole feel of the park!! I will post more pictures eventually!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Today I feel very blessed.  Although I still long for our child, I feel so blessed to have first, Declan and now Jayden in our lives.  There is something about feeding, changing, cuddling and playing with a baby that helps your love to grow.  I miss them when they are not around, I hurt for them when I hear they are sick, or have hurt them selves.  I guess with little boys, bumps and bruises are parr for the course!!
When Jayden smiles at me, when Declan climbs into my lap for a cuddle.  Even when they are both having melt downs, at the same time.. I feel blessed.  I have two babies in my life, that I get to watch grow, and change.  I feel their love and although I could never replace their mom's. I do know they love me too!!
Heavenly Father knew how empty my arms felt and he helped me to fill them, and still get a decent nights sleep!! LOL!! I bet Declan and Jayden's mom wish for a little extra sleep!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The best oven fries!!

I love to cook, although tending two little ones under 2 some times makes it difficult!! My sis told me about these yummy burgers you can buy at Walmart. They are in the frozen meat section. They have bacon and cheddar mixed in them. I took out the garbage already but I think they were called black angus bacon and aged cheddar burgers. They come 6 in a box and you cook them from frozen. They are about 6 or 7 bucks at my Walmart. Very good and they are easy!! I wanted oven fries with my burger, and I had pinned a method on Pinterest that I pinned. You take 3 or 4 potatoes peeled. Slice them into wedges about the size of your ring finger. Soak them in Hot water for 10 to 20 min. Heat the oven to 475 F. Meanwhile line a baking sheet with foil, using a pastry brush or even some paper towels, liberally oil the pan with about 3 to 4 TBS of canola oil. Sprinkle the oiled pan with Sea salt, pepper and what ever other seasonings you like. I added paprika. Dry the potatoes well and toss them in a bowl with about 2 TBS of oil. Place them on baking sheet in a single layer. Cover the sheet with foil, or if you used it all to line the sheet( I did), with another baking sheet. Cook for 5 minutes and then uncover. Bake 10 to 15 minutes, turn them with tongs or a spatula, and bake 10 to 15 more till golden brown, Drain on paper towels and sprinkle with just a little more seasoning. They taste like you deep fried them but you don't use as much oil. I doubt they are any healthier, but less messy for sure!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My guardian angels

Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Shafer



I was deep cleaning my kitchen today and listening to the Judd's.  I love the Judd's!!  There is a song they sing that always makes me cry.  "My Guardian Angels".   Makes me think of all the dear ones in my family who have passed on.  I never knew my Great Grandpa Shafer, except through family stories.  I knew great Grandma Shafer well.  She was a amazing woman!!  I know her stories because My dad interviewed her on tape and Berrett converted them to CD.
I think about my Grandpa Bailey on my mom's side.  He grew up hunting and trapping animals.  He loved a cup of coffee and rode the train rails as a hobo when he was a teen.   I know his stories because of a book he wrote about his life.
My aunt Lynda recently shared stories of the Mormon pioneers on my mothers side of the family, and I was excited to know a little bit about them.  We have some journal entries, but only just a few.
I remember my dad because I had him for 16 years, but I have probably forgootten some of his stories.  My brother and sister had even shorter times with him.  I wish he had kept a journal.  My mom has some letters he wrote when he was in Vietnam and I was just a toddler. 
I look at my blog and wonder what it reveals to my future children and grand children?  I hope it tells them more about their mom and dad, before we were ever their mom and dad.  
I love knowing where I come from.  I hope I can pass on a history to my kids.  Their History will be from several families, their birth parents and ours as well.  I do know one thing, they are with Our guardian angels at this time.  I know the ones we love are just waiting to bring them to us.  

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Starting anew- weekly cleaning schedule

I hate housework!!  I admit this freely!! I would rather do anything else, including a visit to the dentist then clean my house.  Ever since our last adoption possibility fell through I have found myself struggling with the upkeep of my apartment.  I have just let depression and feelings of being overwhelmed conflict with my cleaning schedule.  Today I decided no more!! So I typed up a schedule for daily cleaning.  I intend to laminate and hang it up!!! Soon I will have two babies in the house to tend along with a 5 year old and some times a 7 year old!! I need to be organized!! I do better with check lists and written goals.  So in order to really commit myself and keep myself honest,I am posting this on my blog.  Anyone else use lists?

Weekly Schedule
Monday: Bathroom-
1. Clean Toilet- 5 minutes
                                                                2. Clean Tub-
                                                                3. Scour Sink
                                                                 4. Clean Mirrors
                                                                5.Polish counters
                                                                6. Sweep and Mop floor.
                                                                7. Wash rugs, liner and bath mat.
                Laundry: 1 to 2 loads- Hang up and put away
                Daily: Load and unload dishwasher- keep dining room table clean
                15 minute clean up before bed
Tuesday: Kitchen-
1. Empty Dishwasher and Dish rack
                                                                2. Fill dishwasher or hand wash as I dirty dishes.
                                                                3.Clean surfaces, counters, stovetop, etc.
                                                                4. Scour sink, empty garbage
                                                                5.Clean Microwave
                                                                6.. Clean out fridge
                                                                7. sweep floors, mop
Laundry: Bathroom and kitchen Towels, Blankets and sheets.  Put away
Daily: Load and unload Dishwasher-  15 minute clean up before bed.

Weds: Living room and Dining Room
1.       Dust
2.       Clean off high chair, shake out tablecloth under
3.       Vacuum
4.       Clean off computer desk
5.       Go through 1 box in dining area- donate- discard or save.
Laundry: Wash Whites, including Sunday shirts for Berrett
Daily: Load and unload Dishwasher- 15 minute clean up before bed

Thursday: Bedroom
1.Dust off dresser, side table
2.Gather dirty laundry, put away any extra clean clothes
3.Go through 1 box from closet, discard- donate and save.

Daily: any extra laundry- 15 minute pick up before bed

Friday: Front hall and Church shelf
`                                               1.Clean laundry area
2.Straighten primary shelf
3.Dust pictures on walls
Daily: laundry: blankets from living room- any kitchen towels as needed- put away
15 minute clean up before bed
Saturday: General cleanup, organize church stuff including clothes and plan weekly menu.
Sunday: Day off except for general clean up and dishes.
Rewards:                                               Goals:
1.       New book on kindle                                                                       1. Clean apartment
2.       Phone call with a friend.                                                              2. Kick depression and inactivity
3.       Play date with a friend                                                                  3. Happy kids
4.       Nap                                                                                              4.Daily Walk or 3 days of work out
5.       Night out                                                                                             5. Decluttered house                             
6.       30 minutes of computer or kindle time

Sunday, June 10, 2012

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven...

I will admit that my first exposure to the scripture above came about because of a oldie but goodie playing on my parents 8-track in the family station wagon.  It was performed by the Byrds and it was called "Turn! Turn! turn!".  It was written based upon the scripture from Ecclesiastes.  I know I am "dating" myself by one- mentioning this song. Two- mentioning a 8- track player, and three- mentioning a station wagon!!  Although ours was super cool, it was patriotic blue, with red, white and blue curtains in the side windows in the very back, and we had stickers on the side of every state we had ever traveled to!!  I miss that old wagon,where we listened to old songs, took road trips and spent countless hours asking dad " are we there yet?'
Any way back to the present.   When we first started attending our ward in Taylorsville, I was called to be a primary teacher.  How I loved teaching Primary.  Your students love you, they forgive you your short comings and you get to hear about all their amazing adventures!!  Not to mention a few family secrets!! LOL!! Kids tell you EVERYTHING!!  Lucky for the parents though, we don't tend to divulge what we know.
Any way, I taught primary for quite a while.  A little over a year ago, I was called to be 1st counselor in the primary.  I was a little sad to leave my classroom, but had received the impression that this was where Heavenly Father needed me, so I gladly accepted the calling.  I felt so lucky to work with our President Tonya, Ofelia the other counselor and Cynthia the secretary.  Ofelia moved away and I had the chance to get to know Alli who took her place.  We have all worked so well together.  Tonya has taught us so much, and my love for all the children has grown.

Well, recently Tonya was called to be in the Stake Primary Presidency.  I am not sure how the others in the presidency felt, but I was so sad that we were losing Tonya and not sure what would happen to the rest of us.   We knew that changes would be made, and we were not sure what they would be.  I found myself praying that what ever the Lord desired for me, that I would be at peace with it. 
Last Sunday, the bishop called me to be the Primary President. I was sustained and set a part today.
I thought I would feel overwhelmed, and I have had those moments.  What I didn't expect to feel was peaceful.   I don't know why He has asked me to serve in this capacity, but I do know that I have many things to learn, and this is the season for that learning.  I have already learned a little more about inspiration as I prayed to know who to pick as counselors, and secretary.  I felt really good about keeping some of them on, and felt really good about the newest member of our presidency, Alecia.  She indicated to me, that she had felt a few weeks ago, that this would be where she was called to.
I am someone who struggles with shyness, and I am always fearful of new situations.  I love my comfort zone.  I love to know what is expected of me, and I love to be the one following the Leader.  I have had management positions in the work place, but they were always hard for me.   I don't like to be the bad guy!!  The nice part about leading in the church, is we lead differently then we do in the world.  We still have tough decisions to make, but we are led by our Savior who taught that the best leaders are those who serve the ones we lead.   I pray I can do that.
I pray I can be a good servant.  The bishop blessed me today with the strength and energy I needed and a great love for those I will be serving, The Children.  I am grateful for the blessing and for the loving guidance of my Heavenly Father.  I am also grateful for the loving support of my husband and my family.  Its my season to serve, Its my turn to learn, and my turn to grow.  Its a very humbling experience.  

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Woman at the Well Cast party

Tonight we gathered as a cast to watch the DVD of our performance and share treats and our testimonies of this choice experience.  Its funny I hate seeing myself on Moving Camera but I enjoyed being able to really hear how we all sounded.  In my opinion we were ALL wonderful.  When the spirit touches you in a performance, you can do so much more than you ever expected.  I wanted to share some photo's that were given to us. I believe they came from Michelle in my ward, but there may have been others who took some as well. Thank you for doing that!! Its nice to have a physical memory of the experience!!

Me singing with my friends.. "Day Of Tears"

amazing experience

My lovely Back up singers. having them behind me gave me more confidence

Don't the costumes look great!!!

Thats the "well" in the back ground

Love this Picture

Finale.. all of us singing "women at the well"
I was trying really hard not to cry, it was a emotional and spiritual experience
 Berrett and I after it was all over.  He ran the lights, [notice that I am wearing make up!!] This NEVER happens!!


 So grateful for this experience even though at first it terrified me!! Its nice to leave your comfort zone!!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Mothers Day

Jayden Ryan C.  chillin' in his baby bouncer

In my last post I told everyone about our beautiful new nephew Jayden.  Well on his 3rd day in the hospital, just a few hours before he was headed home, he started having difficulties breathing.  They eventually moved him to the NICU.  This was so scary.  My poor sister was expecting to take her sweet baby boy home and now, they were not really sure what was wrong.  He spent, the next 10 days in the NICU.  Luckily Tammy was given permission to stay in her room for a few more days and then they moved her to a smaller complimentary room.
Can I tell you what agony it was to watch my sister go through this?  She was recovering from the C section, separated from her two older boys and only able to spend time in the NICU for feedings and a little cuddling time.  To watch her head back to her room, past the other mom's headed home with their babies was so hard!!
She had some difficult moments, but remained strong for the baby and her boys.  She spent more time with him in the NICU then any other mom that I saw there.  She asked a lot of questions,  requested a priesthood blessing and prayed, and prayed and prayed.  They never seemed to really quite figure out what was wrong.  All the tests came back good, and they thought he might have aspirated some amniotic fluid, or possibly some breast milk.  Today she brought him home, on oxygen but doing well.
She always tells people that I am her second mom.  She praises me to the sky, but let me tell you, she is amazing!! She held up under some extreme pressure.  Her only concern was for her boys!! We would bring her meals many nights and she would eat, mostly so Jayden would have milk.  I think she is one of the best mom's I know!! I feel proud to watch her raise her boys!!
If I am half the mom she is, I will consider myself a success!! So its a bit early, but I know that when She brought that sweet little baby boy home today, It was "mothers day" at her house!!

Monday, April 16, 2012

A wonderful day in my life!!

Today I had the special privilege of seeing my nephew Jayden born.  My younger sister had a c section and asked me to be "dad" or "coach"  lol!!  I don't know how much coaching I did, but it was a amazing experience!! We had to get her to the hospital by 4:30 am and that was not much fun!! Going to bed at 12 and getting up at 2:45 am, is NOT recommended!! But.... Seeing a beautiful spirit born into this world. ... Holding a baby just a few minutes old.. and bonding with him forever.. IS HIGHLY  recommended!!!
I honestly don't know if I will ever see my own child born, It depends on the expectant mom who chooses us, but I will forever be grateful to my little sis who shared this spiritual experience with me!!
I love you Tammy, Blake, Dawsyn and Little Baby Jayden.

Also wanted to share a blog that a dear friend of ours shared today on us and adoption!! Thank you Brooke, it means so much to us that people care about us finding our forever family.  Please feel free to link and share with others!!

I am so grateful for all the choice children in my life!! Nieces and Nephews, Primary children, the Young women of our ward and the ones I worked with at Girls Camp.  For the children I love and tend, and for all the children who have brought so much to both Berrett and My life, we will forever be grateful!!
We both live by this Eternal Message!!

One hundred years from now,
It won't matter what car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like,
But, the world may be a little better
Because I was important in the life of a child

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Women at the well

 A few months ago, one of my friends in the Relief Society presidency called me.  I consider her one of my closest friends in our ward, so I was happy to hear from her..... for the first few seconds! LOL!! She asked me if I sang?  Well friends and family, I have been hiding my light under a bushel about my "singing", so I was VERY surprised when she asked me this.  I think I said something like, "I have sang a little, why?"  She told me that our Relief Society was planning on performing Women at the Well by Kenneth Cope.  She also wanted to know if I would be willing to sing a solo.  I knew nothing about this program, but she is a very dear friend, so I said yes. 
We have been rehearsing for several weeks now, and the women in our ward who are running this, performing this and reading the script, are amazing!!! I don't feel so amazing. I am so nervous about this little venture.  I have a tendency to want to hide in large crowds.  I am NOT a performer.  I tend to look down, or tilt my head at this odd angle.  Berrett says I look like I am trying to climb inside myself!!  I probably am.  I do have some back up singers, and we have the MOST amazing pianist!!  So at least I won't be standing up there alone.  I have been asked to sing Day of Tears.  The song is about one of the women who witness the mockery and Crucifixion of our Savior Jesus Christ.  She is also one of those who goes to the tomb to wash and anoint his body and then discovers that he has risen.  It is a very moving song.  It is difficult for me to sing because of the emotions I feel as I sing it.  I can only imagine in costume and in the stage setting how much more real those feelings will be.  My nervousness aside, I keep thinking about the women in the Savior's life.  This program is about the women of the scriptures.  There is Mary and Martha who witness their brother being raised from the dead.  There is the woman who had a medical condition for years and knows if she just touches the Saviors robe she will be healed.  There is Mary the mother of Jesus, and so many more.
We often hear about the apostles from the scriptures.  They were special witnesses of Christ.  They knew him, they were taught by him, and they were able to see his resurrected body.  They were great men, who rose to their callings. Then again its nice to hear about the women in his life.  They were followers as well. Disciples.... Many of them were able to stay and witness his death when his disciples were not able to.  The scriptures tell us that he appeared to Mary Magdalene at the tomb.  How wonderful it is to know that to our Lord and Savior, women were loved and respected.  Even in his last moments, he looked at the grief of His mother and asked that one of His dearest friends take care of her.  I know that in my own life, I have felt His love, His strength and His support.  I have never doubted that He is here for me.  I think that is another reason why performing this song is so hard for me.  I want to do justice to the women in His life.  I want to bear testimony that He Lives!  Some how I have to find the courage I lack and do this as well as I am able.  I keep asking in prayer for help, and I ask you to pray for me as well.
I am truly stepping out of my comfort zone.  But that can be a good thing.  Adoption.. Or the Finding part of adoption I should say, is not always comfortable either.  We have had  interviews, home study's, birth parent letters to write, pictures to pose for, and even the uncomfortableness of having some one change their mind about placing their baby.  I have spent a lot of time and energy contacting people and talking about our desire to adopt, and pleaded with total strangers to keep us in mind.  Honestly the only part of the adoption process that feels comfortable is when we pray about it.  When we talk about it to each other and to our family and friends.  So I guess if I can step out of my comfort zone of "infertility" and the grief of "adoption miscarriage" and continue to pursue this dream, I guess I can stand on stage and sing in front of the ward and the family members and friends who will be in the audience.  After all, I LIKE TO SING!!!  I sing all the time at home, in primary, to the babies I tend.  Berrett and I sing in the car as well.  So I can do this!! I will Just remember the Little engine that could and keep telling myself "I think I can, I think I can." and when its all over, Maybe I will be able to say "I thought I could"!!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Pepperoni and mozzerella egg rolls

I can't take credit for this.  I read about them on this blog
But they were so good!!  I just had leftover bottled pizza sauce, that I barely warmed and served with Parmesan Rice a roni.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A better understanding

I have been studying the Book of Mormon this year.  I was able to read the entire book between January and March.  I then decided I wanted to study it and downloaded a study guide to my Kindle.  I have really enjoyed studying it in depth.  Today I was reading about Lehi's blessings to his posterity before his death.  One of the things the author pointed out is that Lehi taught about Agency versus Predestination.   He talked about our Heavenly Father knowing us so well that He knows what kind of choices we will make.  This bothered me at first.  I couldn't see how this was in any way different from predestination.  He compared it to this:  His child HATES peas.  He puts a plate of peas in front of her.  He knows her so well he knows she will choose to avoid them.  He is not making her make that choice, he just knows her so well that he knows what she will choose to do in that situation. 
I started comparing that to trials that I have had in my life.  I began to wonder why a loving Heavenly Father would ask his child to endure such hard things.  I am not talking about trials that come from our own poor choices, I am talking about trials that come to us because of someone Else's actions. 
So I turned to and began to read about Agency and Trials.  President Monson said that many of us let the enemy of achievement even the Culprit "self defeat' dwarf our aspirations, smother our dreams, cloud our vision and impair our lives"
So we have to ask ourselves "what did we learn from this trial, from this pain?"  Maybe it was to make us stronger?  President Monson also advises us to 1. Fill our minds with truth. 2. Fill our hearts with love. 3. Fill our hearts with service.
He tells us to be forgiving, stay faithful and pray for the Lords help and comfort.  How well we endure our trials is up to us.  We can grow from them, and stay close to the Lord and once again ask "what did I learn from this?' 
Sometimes we are tempted to feel sorry for ourselves and ask "why me".  This is my definition of Self defeat.  I think the answer to that question is "why not you?"  After all the Savior had to endure it all and he was perfect.
That thought led me to a remembrance that the Atonement was not just about paying for our sin's.  That our Brother Jesus endured it all.  Our pain, our sicknesses, our temptations and our weaknesses.  He also sends the comforter to us when we need it.  We do not have to endure any of it alone.  Some how knowing that he knows what my own personal heart aches and pain feels like, comforts me.  He has a special understanding.
Our trials, the pain, the agony and the endeavors of life refine us.  They burn away the unimportant things, they melt away the impurities and makes our faith brighter and stronger.  It helps us to be able to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit.
I guess the hardest thing to remember when going through hard times is that this too will pass.  I have a favorite scripture that reminds me of that fact. Psalm 30:5  "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Also Matt 11:28  "come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
This reminds me once again, that I can turn to my Heavenly Father for help and for comfort and even understanding and He will always be there.  So yes sometimes we are given trials for reasons we can't always see at the moment.  But we can choose to endure them well, and to continue seek the spirit, read our scriptures, serve others, and seek peace and comfort from our friends and families.
I am so grateful that I am learning these lessons.  I was promised in my Patriarchal Blessing with a great love for the scriptures.  I truly do love them.  I learn lessons from them every day.  I am so glad that today I received a better understanding of those things.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Navajo Taco's

                                           Not my picture... Mine are never this pretty!!

Okay, until I moved to Utah I had never even heard of Navajo taco's.  But Berrett Loves them!!
So here is my recipe.
Filling- or topping:
1 onion diced
2 to 3 stalks of celery
1 Tablespoon minced garlic
*optional- Grated carrot.. sneak in a few veggies!
1 pound ground beef- or turkey- or pork- or chicken
1 to 2 cans of chili
* optional- sometimes I add left over rice to make it spread further!
Taco or chili seasoning- to taste... remember we are mild people
1 cup of salsa- heat of your choice- we are mild folks!
Grated cheese
Shredded Lettuce
sliced Olives
Extra Salsa
Sour cream or ranch dressing if your a "true" utahn!

The "scone" part of the Taco:

2 cups flour
4 tsp baking powder
dash of salt
3/4 cup warm water
Vegetable Oil or shortening for frying

 Filling prep:
In 1 to 2 tablespoons of veg. oil or butter, saute onions, celery, garlic and carrot.
When they are tender, add ground beef and brown.
Add, chili, salsa, rice, taco or chili seasoning to taste, and salsa.
Simmer on low.


Mix Flour, salt, baking powder and water.  Dough is almost biscuit consistency.  Divide into 8 balls.
Roll each circle into pie crust thickness.  I usually let mine rest for 10 minutes or so.  Deep fry in medium to hot oil or shortening.  Turn when golden and puffy. 
top with filling and Favorite Taco toppings

This is whats for dinner tonight, minus rice or carrots!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Understanding infertility

I read this recently in our adoption resources book, it is one of the best way I know to explain how a woman feels about infertility.
" A friend brought this similarity of our roles on this earth to light: Women are foreordained to become mothers to children. Her physical and emotional makeup are created for that purpose. Just as men are foreordained to receive the Priesthood. the comparison can be made when children are not able to be born into these mothers arms. Just imagine turning 12 and having a priesthood interview with the Bishop. He tells you that you are worthy and that he sees no reason why you shouldn't be able to become a deacon and receive the priesthood. All your friends have been ordained and you look forward to this so much.  Then he tells you that you cannot become a Deacon, and no reason why. Just that it isn't possible. You just don't understand. The same happens when it comes time to become a Teacher or a Priest in the Aaronic Priesthood.  This same feeling for a man not able to become a member of the aaronic priesthood is much like a woman's motherhood. When children can't be born to her, she feels like her purpose on this earth can't be fulfilled. this is where our Heavenly Father has blessed us to have the opportunity to grow our families through adoption. We can raise His children and show them the path to return back to their Father in Heaven."
 I know that infertility affects the men in the church as well.  I don't discount their pain. I know it has been hard for my husband to not have a family.  He watches the children in our family and in our ward and I can see the longing on his face.  But this example offers a special understanding of what it is like for women.
Some infertile couples choose to keep away from babies and children when going through this.  As for me and my husband, we welcome all the children in our lives.  At least we have the chance to enjoy them and be of some good in their lives.  I can " mother" and nurture children who are not mine.  I have had aunts and uncles in my life who have helped lead me, when my parents could not. I have had primary teachers, YW leaders, camp directors and good family friends help me with my struggles.  
I take hope in the statement of another sister who said " My children are my jewels, no matter the circumstances in which they come to me. I was devastated when we were told we would not be able to parent biological children, but not hopeless. We some how knew we would be parents on this earth and just needed to find the way that are all knowing father had planned for us to get them.  After checking several options, we decided that adoption was the right thing for us. The waiting game was long and sometimes painful-- like a child waiting for Christmas--, but it was wiped from our memory, the moment each of our children were placed in our arms."

This Adoption process is like a roller coaster ride. It has its ups and downs, its times of excitement and its times of fear.  I personally hate roller coaster rides, but I will endure a million of them if it means a child will be placed in our arms and in our home.
We are headed into the next up of this roller coaster ride.  We Will soon have our profile up and hope to be led to our forever family.  We appreciate all your prayers and good wishes in our behalf.

Monday, March 5, 2012

My Children's book about Adoption

When Berrett and I first began this adoption journey, I was talking about it to his family.  Our 9 year old nephew was talking to us about adoption and had several misconceptions.  He thought a baby would be placed on our doorstep, or that a child might run away from home and we could then adopt them.
I do a lot of my creative thinking in the shower, LOL!   Anyway, I was in the shower and thinking about all the new words of adoption that are now a part of our vocabulary.  I was contemplating teaching our some day child about Adoption, birth parents, etc and this book was born!  It uses the ABC's to explain simply words and phrases that are common in today's world of adoption.  It is self published and all proceeds will go to our adoption fund.  The books are only $10 and you can click on the link and preview some of the pages.  I hope that it can be used to teach any child about adoption.  I hope a long with a future Life book it may also give us a way to talk about the different aspects of adoption with our child comfortably.  If you have a child in your life who is adopted or may be contemplating adoption, or just want to support a good cause, please consider buying my book.
Please let me know what you think!  Also I would appreciate you sharing this post and Link on your own blogs, emails or social networks you belong to.  We want as many people as possible to learn about adoption.  Thanks!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Need to explain

If any of you read my last post you know that we recently were disappointed in a potential adoption opportunity.  Today I realized that I had been OBSESSED with Face book for over two months.  Our primary way of contacting that mom was through Face book.  So when we stopped hearing from her, and she asked for more time to consider, I haunted Face book. In hopes that she would let us know. I am afraid that disappointing us was too hard for her to face.  So now we are trying to move on, look at this as a learning experience, and continue on our adoption journey.  It became such a normal part of of my life that I have continued to check Face book.  So that is why I am taking a break from Face book.  We hold no judgement on the mom or her decision.  She and her family are NOT the reason I am taking a break.  We respect her, her privacy and her families privacy. We love and respect her and her right to choose to parent.  I continue to pray for her well being and the well being of her baby.
 I just realized that I had started a unhealthy habit and want to stop it!!  So please know that we are okay.  We will bounce back and we WILL find our child.  I appreciate all your messages and calls and words of support.  I just need a little time as I said to get my head on straight.  If you want to call me or email, that would be great.  I don't know how long I am taking a break for, but at least a few days to possibly a month.  Who knows.. Maybe I will find more time to clean, exercise, study the scriptures and take care of my husband.   Or I could spend extra time on PINTEREST!! LOL!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Peace be unto thy soul.

We have kept this quiet for a while now, but a while back, we were contacted by someone who was considering placing her baby for adoption.  Her circumstances at the time, led her to believe that it might be her best choice.  We were excited to think of the possibility.  Because of circumstances beyond our control, we couldn't talk about it much.  In the last few weeks she started pulling away and we begin to wonder if she had made her decision.  We found out recently that the baby was born, and doing well and that she had decided to raise her child.

Adoption is such a hard thing at the best of times.  So much about it is out of our control.  I am doing my best to realize that Heavenly Father is in control though.  He can't force his children to make certain decisions but he will support all of those who are affected by this decision.  Even though we have felt for a little while that it was a possibility that this would NOT be our child, the hope, the desire to be parents is always there.  We hold no judgement on this girls choice, except possibly the hurt that she didn't trust us enough to let us know.  Then again, she knew how much we want to be parents, and probably didn't want to be the one who hurt us.  We will grieve for a while, but we are also determined to move forward.  We trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family.  We know that when the circumstances are right, we will be blessed with our child.   But until we can get past this time of sadness and disappointment, please bear with us.  We are doing our best to trust in the Lord, but at the same time we feel a loss.  Hugs and kind words are appreciated.  Thank you to the one who reached out to us and gave us some closure.  It is appreciated.   Right now we are spending a lot of time on our knee's and we feel His comfort.  We also appreciate your prayers.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Nacho Mamma's Cheesy soup!!

1 pound ground beef
1 can mild rotel tomato and green chili mix
1 can chili
1 to 2 TBS Taco mix
1 1/2 cups milk
1 jar cheese whiz
1/2 cup sour cream
Shredded cheese
Taco chips
Fresh chopped tomato
Black olives
Extra sour cream

Brown ground beef, Drain grease- add Rotel, Chili and taco mix.  Heat for 1 to 2 minutes- add milk and nacho cheese.  Heat until cheese is melted.  Remove from heat.  Add 1/2 cup sour cream
Top with your favorite taco toppings!!
Yummy!! And I am sure its high in protein!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012


We have had so many people warning us that it could take "forever" to adopt through LDS family services, but we have faith that the right person will be put in our path to lead us to our child.
Greg Olsen sums this up perfectly!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Getting ready while we wait!!

Okay... I am not as crazed looking as this woman, but I CAN RELATE to how she feels!!  The worst part of any new journey is the waiting.  I read a article today that talked about waiting in adoption.  She talked about how if pregnancy reflected the time that adoptive parents wait, some gestation periods would be days, months and even years.  She talked about using the waiting time wisely.  This is my plan!!
So for instance, Instead of mooning over baby clothes online and in catalogs every day, I only allow myself to do that for 1 day a week.  Instead I am planning on focusing my energy the other 6 days on studying a new subject that has nothing to do with babies.  What that will be.. I am not sure, but I am thinking back to my interests before the whole Mommy Need took over and trying to remember.
I am reading up though on babies a little.  Two days a week, I am allowed to read my "what to expect the first year" book, and also some book about helping them sleep through the night.  Now to be fair, I bought these books with Baby Declan in mind { the 9 month old I have tended since he was 7 weeks old} so I would be informed for his sake.  Just because I will be able to use these books in the future just means I shopped on my kindle wisely!!
Spend time reorganizing my life.  I did recently "clean" my apartment to get ready for a home study, but that does not in any way mean I ORGANIZED IT!!!!  I have some pockets of organization, but over all I am not a organized person.  It takes hard work, sweat and a few tears to get me to organize my possessions.  I come from a mom who holds on to everything!! So paring down the STUFF in my life does not come easily.  But I have gotten better at it, and I know I can continue on this path.
Spend some quality time with my husband.  Now don't get me wrong, there is no one on earth that I would rather spend time with.  In fact we spend a great deal of time together.  BUT.... its not always quality time.  We used to go out on dates once a week, but since this whole adoption thing started, some how we have let that slip away a little more.  I love dressing up and looking pretty for my husband. That does not mean we have to spend lots of money.. we could go for a walk,  snuggle on the couch.. play a board game.... remember times in the past... Laugh!!! Go to bed early... {hint hint!!} LOL!!
Anyway, I am not just going to passively wait for our baby.. I am going to do my best to actively wait and learn something new while I do that.  I want to be a great mom, and great mom's are well rounded people who have lots of interests!!! 
Now that at least is the plan!!  I will still contact family and friends often about our need and desire to adopt, I will network, and I will still dream of our future family, but I am going to enjoy the dreaming.. I am going to enjoy the waiting.  After all I will never be a first time expectant mom again!!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Scripture Power!!

 In primary we sing a song called "Scripture Power".  All the children love to sing it. The lyrics are:

Because I want to be, Like the savior and I can.
I'm reading His instructions, I'm following His plan.
Because I want the power His word will give to me,
I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be.

 I'll find the sword of truth in each scripture that I learn.
I'll take the shield of truth from these pages that I turn.
 I'll wear each vital part of the armor of the lord
And fight my daily battles, and win a great reward.

Scripture power, keeps me safe from sin.
scripture power, is the power to win.
 Scripture power, every day I need,
The power that I get each time I read.

The kids in primary get a real kick out of raising their scriptures in the air when ever they sing the line  "scripture power ".    It's a great song and I can tell they understand that the scriptures really are a source of great power.  Every fast Sunday I try to read my patriarchal blessing.  In it, It promises me that I will develop a great love for the scriptures and the words of the living prophets.  I have been more diligent lately to read and study my scriptures. I have noticed that on the days I study, I seem to have more patience and I can sense the spirit in our home.  I receive direction for the little things that the kids I tend need.  I am feeling that "power" that we sing about.  I can't wait to teach our own children this song, and to read the scriptures with them.   I started the Book of Mormon again this year and its only early Feb. and I am half way through Alma.

 I read recently about scripture journals and was wishing I had heard of them before I had started reading this year.  But I have decided that when I finish the Book of Mormon this year, I will start again and with my old seminary manual by my side, I will start my scripture journal.  I have gained a great sense of calm and peace since I have been reading and studying this year.  Our lives are filled with so much uncertainty at this time.  Its not like being pregnant and having a timeline in your head... I don't KNOW for sure when we will be blessed with our child.  Even after we have been chosen by a mom to parent her child, there is still this sense of uncertainty.  We pray that once she decides to place her child through adoption that she won't change her mind, but there is always that possibility.  Yesterday in church I looked at the relief society bulletin and noticed the sisters names that are "expecting"... I AM EXPECTING!!!  I don't know my due date, but I am a expectant mom.  I told the relief society pres. that I wanted to be included on that list as well.   She happily agreed.  There are many things that we miss as expectant adoptive parents.  I will never feel a baby move inside of me.  I hope that the mommy of our child will invite me to see the ultra sound, but that may not happen.  I will never know what a contraction feels like.  But I can still feel the excitement of being a mom.
I know I will continue to feel the great power of the scriptures.  That and prayer have become my refuge.  He knows who our baby is, and He will will be by our sides through this whole journey.   I keep Proverbs 3:5-6 in my head "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths."
I have to trust Him, lean on Him, and know that He is directing us and leading us down the path to our child.


Friday, February 3, 2012

Home study and helping the mother of our some day baby

We are one step closer to being expectant parents!! We had our home study yesterday.  I dreaded this step for months thinking it was going to be horrible.  The only part of it that was horrible was the getting ready.  I clean my place pretty regularly but our bedroom tends to be a place to "stick" everything that has no place to go!! So I had some work to do in there for sure.  I also felt like I needed to clean closets, cupboards and drawers. After all I didn't know how much our case worker would want to see.  She did see into some of our cupboards and closets, but only the ones where I had to show her storage for meds, first aid kit and fire extinguisher.  I did feel good though that I had a super clean apartment.
She also went over our profile and asked us to include more pictures of us and also wants us to revise our "Birth Mom Letter".  She said it needs to flow better and I have to admit it feels stilted and impersonal to me as well but its so hard to know what to write!!  How do you put into a few short paragraphs all your hopes and dreams of a family?  How do we possibly express our gratitude to the mother of our future child?  How do we tell her that we are trying to understand how this feels to her, when we can really have no idea?
We also talked to our case worker about what they can offer to a mom who is exploring her options.  They offer counseling to her and to any family members affected by her pregnancy.  They are willing to meet her in her home, at the agency, or even pick her up and take her for a meal or whatever.  As adoptive parents we can help with some of the costs that she may incur during her pregnancy if she chooses us and adoption.  They can help her with some of the needs she has during the pregnancy and even during the recovery time, and we would pay the agency back for the cost.  It was just one more way that as adoptive parents we can ease some of the worry of a expectant mother who chooses adoption.
I am so impressed with the way LDS social services offers so much help to those who need it.  Adoption is not the only answer for all these mom's and they help them to decide what works best for them.  We pray every day for our expectant mommy, who ever and when ever she may be a part of our lives.  We pray she won't have any issues with medical care, and that she may be comfortable talking to us.  We pray that she will be able to cope with the stresses this may cause in her life and possibly with her family.   We want her to know that we understand she has expectations for the future as far as "open-ness" and we are willing to work with her on those needs. We pray that she will know that she is loved by us, but mostly by her Heavenly Father.   She is NOT just a way for us to have a family... she is important to us. We hope she will keep the lines of communication open to us during this time of transition, and we promise to continue that after she gives us this beautiful gift.
I pray that she reads these words some day, and recognizes what I try so poorly to say.