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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Mothers Day

Jayden Ryan C.  chillin' in his baby bouncer

In my last post I told everyone about our beautiful new nephew Jayden.  Well on his 3rd day in the hospital, just a few hours before he was headed home, he started having difficulties breathing.  They eventually moved him to the NICU.  This was so scary.  My poor sister was expecting to take her sweet baby boy home and now, they were not really sure what was wrong.  He spent, the next 10 days in the NICU.  Luckily Tammy was given permission to stay in her room for a few more days and then they moved her to a smaller complimentary room.
Can I tell you what agony it was to watch my sister go through this?  She was recovering from the C section, separated from her two older boys and only able to spend time in the NICU for feedings and a little cuddling time.  To watch her head back to her room, past the other mom's headed home with their babies was so hard!!
She had some difficult moments, but remained strong for the baby and her boys.  She spent more time with him in the NICU then any other mom that I saw there.  She asked a lot of questions,  requested a priesthood blessing and prayed, and prayed and prayed.  They never seemed to really quite figure out what was wrong.  All the tests came back good, and they thought he might have aspirated some amniotic fluid, or possibly some breast milk.  Today she brought him home, on oxygen but doing well.
She always tells people that I am her second mom.  She praises me to the sky, but let me tell you, she is amazing!! She held up under some extreme pressure.  Her only concern was for her boys!! We would bring her meals many nights and she would eat, mostly so Jayden would have milk.  I think she is one of the best mom's I know!! I feel proud to watch her raise her boys!!
If I am half the mom she is, I will consider myself a success!! So its a bit early, but I know that when She brought that sweet little baby boy home today, It was "mothers day" at her house!!

Monday, April 16, 2012

A wonderful day in my life!!

Today I had the special privilege of seeing my nephew Jayden born.  My younger sister had a c section and asked me to be "dad" or "coach"  lol!!  I don't know how much coaching I did, but it was a amazing experience!! We had to get her to the hospital by 4:30 am and that was not much fun!! Going to bed at 12 and getting up at 2:45 am, is NOT recommended!! But.... Seeing a beautiful spirit born into this world. ... Holding a baby just a few minutes old.. and bonding with him forever.. IS HIGHLY  recommended!!!
I honestly don't know if I will ever see my own child born, It depends on the expectant mom who chooses us, but I will forever be grateful to my little sis who shared this spiritual experience with me!!
I love you Tammy, Blake, Dawsyn and Little Baby Jayden.

Also wanted to share a blog that a dear friend of ours shared today on us and adoption!! Thank you Brooke, it means so much to us that people care about us finding our forever family.  Please feel free to link and share with others!!

I am so grateful for all the choice children in my life!! Nieces and Nephews, Primary children, the Young women of our ward and the ones I worked with at Girls Camp.  For the children I love and tend, and for all the children who have brought so much to both Berrett and My life, we will forever be grateful!!
We both live by this Eternal Message!!

One hundred years from now,
It won't matter what car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like,
But, the world may be a little better
Because I was important in the life of a child

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Women at the well

 A few months ago, one of my friends in the Relief Society presidency called me.  I consider her one of my closest friends in our ward, so I was happy to hear from her..... for the first few seconds! LOL!! She asked me if I sang?  Well friends and family, I have been hiding my light under a bushel about my "singing", so I was VERY surprised when she asked me this.  I think I said something like, "I have sang a little, why?"  She told me that our Relief Society was planning on performing Women at the Well by Kenneth Cope.  She also wanted to know if I would be willing to sing a solo.  I knew nothing about this program, but she is a very dear friend, so I said yes. 
We have been rehearsing for several weeks now, and the women in our ward who are running this, performing this and reading the script, are amazing!!! I don't feel so amazing. I am so nervous about this little venture.  I have a tendency to want to hide in large crowds.  I am NOT a performer.  I tend to look down, or tilt my head at this odd angle.  Berrett says I look like I am trying to climb inside myself!!  I probably am.  I do have some back up singers, and we have the MOST amazing pianist!!  So at least I won't be standing up there alone.  I have been asked to sing Day of Tears.  The song is about one of the women who witness the mockery and Crucifixion of our Savior Jesus Christ.  She is also one of those who goes to the tomb to wash and anoint his body and then discovers that he has risen.  It is a very moving song.  It is difficult for me to sing because of the emotions I feel as I sing it.  I can only imagine in costume and in the stage setting how much more real those feelings will be.  My nervousness aside, I keep thinking about the women in the Savior's life.  This program is about the women of the scriptures.  There is Mary and Martha who witness their brother being raised from the dead.  There is the woman who had a medical condition for years and knows if she just touches the Saviors robe she will be healed.  There is Mary the mother of Jesus, and so many more.
We often hear about the apostles from the scriptures.  They were special witnesses of Christ.  They knew him, they were taught by him, and they were able to see his resurrected body.  They were great men, who rose to their callings. Then again its nice to hear about the women in his life.  They were followers as well. Disciples.... Many of them were able to stay and witness his death when his disciples were not able to.  The scriptures tell us that he appeared to Mary Magdalene at the tomb.  How wonderful it is to know that to our Lord and Savior, women were loved and respected.  Even in his last moments, he looked at the grief of His mother and asked that one of His dearest friends take care of her.  I know that in my own life, I have felt His love, His strength and His support.  I have never doubted that He is here for me.  I think that is another reason why performing this song is so hard for me.  I want to do justice to the women in His life.  I want to bear testimony that He Lives!  Some how I have to find the courage I lack and do this as well as I am able.  I keep asking in prayer for help, and I ask you to pray for me as well.
I am truly stepping out of my comfort zone.  But that can be a good thing.  Adoption.. Or the Finding part of adoption I should say, is not always comfortable either.  We have had  interviews, home study's, birth parent letters to write, pictures to pose for, and even the uncomfortableness of having some one change their mind about placing their baby.  I have spent a lot of time and energy contacting people and talking about our desire to adopt, and pleaded with total strangers to keep us in mind.  Honestly the only part of the adoption process that feels comfortable is when we pray about it.  When we talk about it to each other and to our family and friends.  So I guess if I can step out of my comfort zone of "infertility" and the grief of "adoption miscarriage" and continue to pursue this dream, I guess I can stand on stage and sing in front of the ward and the family members and friends who will be in the audience.  After all, I LIKE TO SING!!!  I sing all the time at home, in primary, to the babies I tend.  Berrett and I sing in the car as well.  So I can do this!! I will Just remember the Little engine that could and keep telling myself "I think I can, I think I can." and when its all over, Maybe I will be able to say "I thought I could"!!!!