Need to explain

If any of you read my last post you know that we recently were disappointed in a potential adoption opportunity.  Today I realized that I had been OBSESSED with Face book for over two months.  Our primary way of contacting that mom was through Face book.  So when we stopped hearing from her, and she asked for more time to consider, I haunted Face book. In hopes that she would let us know. I am afraid that disappointing us was too hard for her to face.  So now we are trying to move on, look at this as a learning experience, and continue on our adoption journey.  It became such a normal part of of my life that I have continued to check Face book.  So that is why I am taking a break from Face book.  We hold no judgement on the mom or her decision.  She and her family are NOT the reason I am taking a break.  We respect her, her privacy and her families privacy. We love and respect her and her right to choose to parent.  I continue to pray for her well being and the well being of her baby.
 I just realized that I had started a unhealthy habit and want to stop it!!  So please know that we are okay.  We will bounce back and we WILL find our child.  I appreciate all your messages and calls and words of support.  I just need a little time as I said to get my head on straight.  If you want to call me or email, that would be great.  I don't know how long I am taking a break for, but at least a few days to possibly a month.  Who knows.. Maybe I will find more time to clean, exercise, study the scriptures and take care of my husband.   Or I could spend extra time on PINTEREST!! LOL!!
Kay

Peace be unto thy soul.

We have kept this quiet for a while now, but a while back, we were contacted by someone who was considering placing her baby for adoption.  Her circumstances at the time, led her to believe that it might be her best choice.  We were excited to think of the possibility.  Because of circumstances beyond our control, we couldn't talk about it much.  In the last few weeks she started pulling away and we begin to wonder if she had made her decision.  We found out recently that the baby was born, and doing well and that she had decided to raise her child.

Adoption is such a hard thing at the best of times.  So much about it is out of our control.  I am doing my best to realize that Heavenly Father is in control though.  He can't force his children to make certain decisions but he will support all of those who are affected by this decision.  Even though we have felt for a little while that it was a possibility that this would NOT be our child, the hope, the desire to be parents is always there.  We hold no judgement on this girls choice, except possibly the hurt that she didn't trust us enough to let us know.  Then again, she knew how much we want to be parents, and probably didn't want to be the one who hurt us.  We will grieve for a while, but we are also determined to move forward.  We trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family.  We know that when the circumstances are right, we will be blessed with our child.   But until we can get past this time of sadness and disappointment, please bear with us.  We are doing our best to trust in the Lord, but at the same time we feel a loss.  Hugs and kind words are appreciated.  Thank you to the one who reached out to us and gave us some closure.  It is appreciated.   Right now we are spending a lot of time on our knee's and we feel His comfort.  We also appreciate your prayers.

Nacho Mamma's Cheesy soup!!

1 pound ground beef
1 can mild rotel tomato and green chili mix
1 can chili
1 to 2 TBS Taco mix
1 1/2 cups milk
1 jar cheese whiz
1/2 cup sour cream
Shredded cheese
Taco chips
Fresh chopped tomato
Avacado
Black olives
Extra sour cream

Brown ground beef, Drain grease- add Rotel, Chili and taco mix.  Heat for 1 to 2 minutes- add milk and nacho cheese.  Heat until cheese is melted.  Remove from heat.  Add 1/2 cup sour cream
Top with your favorite taco toppings!!
Yummy!! And I am sure its high in protein!!

Perfect!

                              Exactly!!
We have had so many people warning us that it could take "forever" to adopt through LDS family services, but we have faith that the right person will be put in our path to lead us to our child.
Greg Olsen sums this up perfectly!

Getting ready while we wait!!

Okay... I am not as crazed looking as this woman, but I CAN RELATE to how she feels!!  The worst part of any new journey is the waiting.  I read a article today that talked about waiting in adoption.  She talked about how if pregnancy reflected the time that adoptive parents wait, some gestation periods would be days, months and even years.  She talked about using the waiting time wisely.  This is my plan!!
So for instance, Instead of mooning over baby clothes online and in catalogs every day, I only allow myself to do that for 1 day a week.  Instead I am planning on focusing my energy the other 6 days on studying a new subject that has nothing to do with babies.  What that will be.. I am not sure, but I am thinking back to my interests before the whole Mommy Need took over and trying to remember.
I am reading up though on babies a little.  Two days a week, I am allowed to read my "what to expect the first year" book, and also some book about helping them sleep through the night.  Now to be fair, I bought these books with Baby Declan in mind { the 9 month old I have tended since he was 7 weeks old} so I would be informed for his sake.  Just because I will be able to use these books in the future just means I shopped on my kindle wisely!!
Spend time reorganizing my life.  I did recently "clean" my apartment to get ready for a home study, but that does not in any way mean I ORGANIZED IT!!!!  I have some pockets of organization, but over all I am not a organized person.  It takes hard work, sweat and a few tears to get me to organize my possessions.  I come from a mom who holds on to everything!! So paring down the STUFF in my life does not come easily.  But I have gotten better at it, and I know I can continue on this path.
Spend some quality time with my husband.  Now don't get me wrong, there is no one on earth that I would rather spend time with.  In fact we spend a great deal of time together.  BUT.... its not always quality time.  We used to go out on dates once a week, but since this whole adoption thing started, some how we have let that slip away a little more.  I love dressing up and looking pretty for my husband. That does not mean we have to spend lots of money.. we could go for a walk,  snuggle on the couch.. play a board game.... remember times in the past... Laugh!!! Go to bed early... {hint hint!!} LOL!!
Anyway, I am not just going to passively wait for our baby.. I am going to do my best to actively wait and learn something new while I do that.  I want to be a great mom, and great mom's are well rounded people who have lots of interests!!! 
Now that at least is the plan!!  I will still contact family and friends often about our need and desire to adopt, I will network, and I will still dream of our future family, but I am going to enjoy the dreaming.. I am going to enjoy the waiting.  After all I will never be a first time expectant mom again!!!

Scripture Power!!

 In primary we sing a song called "Scripture Power".  All the children love to sing it. The lyrics are:


Because I want to be, Like the savior and I can.
I'm reading His instructions, I'm following His plan.
Because I want the power His word will give to me,
I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be.

 I'll find the sword of truth in each scripture that I learn.
I'll take the shield of truth from these pages that I turn.
 I'll wear each vital part of the armor of the lord
And fight my daily battles, and win a great reward.

Scripture power, keeps me safe from sin.
scripture power, is the power to win.
 Scripture power, every day I need,
The power that I get each time I read.


The kids in primary get a real kick out of raising their scriptures in the air when ever they sing the line  "scripture power ".    It's a great song and I can tell they understand that the scriptures really are a source of great power.  Every fast Sunday I try to read my patriarchal blessing.  In it, It promises me that I will develop a great love for the scriptures and the words of the living prophets.  I have been more diligent lately to read and study my scriptures. I have noticed that on the days I study, I seem to have more patience and I can sense the spirit in our home.  I receive direction for the little things that the kids I tend need.  I am feeling that "power" that we sing about.  I can't wait to teach our own children this song, and to read the scriptures with them.   I started the Book of Mormon again this year and its only early Feb. and I am half way through Alma.

 I read recently about scripture journals and was wishing I had heard of them before I had started reading this year.  But I have decided that when I finish the Book of Mormon this year, I will start again and with my old seminary manual by my side, I will start my scripture journal.  I have gained a great sense of calm and peace since I have been reading and studying this year.  Our lives are filled with so much uncertainty at this time.  Its not like being pregnant and having a timeline in your head... I don't KNOW for sure when we will be blessed with our child.  Even after we have been chosen by a mom to parent her child, there is still this sense of uncertainty.  We pray that once she decides to place her child through adoption that she won't change her mind, but there is always that possibility.  Yesterday in church I looked at the relief society bulletin and noticed the sisters names that are "expecting"... I AM EXPECTING!!!  I don't know my due date, but I am a expectant mom.  I told the relief society pres. that I wanted to be included on that list as well.   She happily agreed.  There are many things that we miss as expectant adoptive parents.  I will never feel a baby move inside of me.  I hope that the mommy of our child will invite me to see the ultra sound, but that may not happen.  I will never know what a contraction feels like.  But I can still feel the excitement of being a mom.
I know I will continue to feel the great power of the scriptures.  That and prayer have become my refuge.  He knows who our baby is, and He will will be by our sides through this whole journey.   I keep Proverbs 3:5-6 in my head "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths."
I have to trust Him, lean on Him, and know that He is directing us and leading us down the path to our child.

 

Home study and helping the mother of our some day baby

We are one step closer to being expectant parents!! We had our home study yesterday.  I dreaded this step for months thinking it was going to be horrible.  The only part of it that was horrible was the getting ready.  I clean my place pretty regularly but our bedroom tends to be a place to "stick" everything that has no place to go!! So I had some work to do in there for sure.  I also felt like I needed to clean closets, cupboards and drawers. After all I didn't know how much our case worker would want to see.  She did see into some of our cupboards and closets, but only the ones where I had to show her storage for meds, first aid kit and fire extinguisher.  I did feel good though that I had a super clean apartment.
She also went over our profile and asked us to include more pictures of us and also wants us to revise our "Birth Mom Letter".  She said it needs to flow better and I have to admit it feels stilted and impersonal to me as well but its so hard to know what to write!!  How do you put into a few short paragraphs all your hopes and dreams of a family?  How do we possibly express our gratitude to the mother of our future child?  How do we tell her that we are trying to understand how this feels to her, when we can really have no idea?
We also talked to our case worker about what they can offer to a mom who is exploring her options.  They offer counseling to her and to any family members affected by her pregnancy.  They are willing to meet her in her home, at the agency, or even pick her up and take her for a meal or whatever.  As adoptive parents we can help with some of the costs that she may incur during her pregnancy if she chooses us and adoption.  They can help her with some of the needs she has during the pregnancy and even during the recovery time, and we would pay the agency back for the cost.  It was just one more way that as adoptive parents we can ease some of the worry of a expectant mother who chooses adoption.
I am so impressed with the way LDS social services offers so much help to those who need it.  Adoption is not the only answer for all these mom's and they help them to decide what works best for them.  We pray every day for our expectant mommy, who ever and when ever she may be a part of our lives.  We pray she won't have any issues with medical care, and that she may be comfortable talking to us.  We pray that she will be able to cope with the stresses this may cause in her life and possibly with her family.   We want her to know that we understand she has expectations for the future as far as "open-ness" and we are willing to work with her on those needs. We pray that she will know that she is loved by us, but mostly by her Heavenly Father.   She is NOT just a way for us to have a family... she is important to us. We hope she will keep the lines of communication open to us during this time of transition, and we promise to continue that after she gives us this beautiful gift.
I pray that she reads these words some day, and recognizes what I try so poorly to say.

From Gods arms, to my arms, to yours...

This is one of my favorite songs about adoption, It helps me remember the great love of ALL Mommies out there.  We know our child will come from our Heavenly Father, but we also know it comes at a great sacrifice for our babies mommy.   The baby of our "some day" grows in my heart every day.. He or she is precious to me.  I never forget though that it grows first in its mommies heart and body as well.  I hope that she will know that I will kiss it twice, once for me and always for her.  Adopting a child creates a brand new emotion.  Joy through tears of sadness.  Joy that someone wants us to be the parents to her child and sadness for her.. The one who delivers it and then has to let go.  I have no doubt that this is the unconditional love that Christ taught us.  To sacrifice ones own well being for the well being of another is the greatest gift!

I also want her to know that if she walks the floors, pacing and praying.. We have done the same for her.  We will continue to pray for her well being and peace for the rest of our lives.