Friday, January 27, 2012
So as many of you know, next week is our home study. We have waited for this day with much trepidation. I sometimes think I have put it off on purpose, at least at little. I mean having some one come into your home to tell you if it is suitable for children... I have children in my home 6 days a week. Their parents don't seem to have any problems with our place. :)
So of course I catch the mother of all head colds this week!!! No matter what I do I don't seem to have any energy to even think about cleaning. I made a good start last week, but this week, not much!! I know I will get to the point where the little clock in my head goes off and I realize that "I am running out of time!!!" then I will proceed to make every one around me miserable because I feel stressed!!
There is also one other aspect of this whole adoption process that I need to deal with. Some how in the back of my head I know that if we are not quite "ready' with the whole process, We don't run the risk of "not being chosen," or "being chosen and then they change their mind."
A lot about adoption hurts. The pain of infertility. The deciding if you want to go through all those expensive awful procedures. Watching others get pregnant around you so effortlessly. The endless questions, record finding and lets face it, the financial burden of adopting. We are currently waiting to hear if we have been approved for a loan. I am endlessly checking my email to see if its "yes" or "no".
We also love so much about adoption. The idea that such a situation exists in this world. We haunt the blogs and facebook postings of friends who recently adopted. I recently self published a book about the Terminology of adoption for kids. Its a abc book about adoption.
I guess what I am trying to say is that with all the waiting we have had to do, I have hit the point where I am tired of waiting!!!! I feel as anxious as a child on Christmas eve, wondering if morning will ever come. I pray that the Lord doesn't make us wait too long. But I also can only control what we do during this waiting. Like get our finances ready, get the home study, get approved by the agency, attend the temple, read my scriptures, and pray that when the time is right we will know and our babies mommy will know that we were meant to be its parents.
Lord grant me patience... and please give us the strength to endure the ups and downs of this waiting!
P.S. and please help me get our place ready for the home study!!!