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| Courage with His help |
A few people knew ahead of time and were very careful to keep our secret. It wasn't that we didn't want to share the news, but until things felt like they were progressing with the family and the expectant parents, we didn't feel comfortable sharing. We have been through this twice before. The first time was many years ago, early in our marriage. We were connected to a friend of a friend who's foster son and girl friend were looking to place their baby through private adoption. At the time Berrett felt very unsure of this situation, but because of his great love for me, he let me move forward. We begin to email each other and I began to dream of that little baby. They lived in southern Utah and we made a special trip over our anniversary weekend to visit. We met up with them for lunch and talked for about 2 hours. They tell you in the adoption classes that YOU KNOW when its right and YOU KNOW when its wrong. This one felt wrong. Berrett let me be quiet for a time after we met up and then lovingly told me, "you know this isn't our baby?" I knew in my heart he was right but had to cry it out for a bit before I could admit it. I will admit to this day I think about that baby girl. She would be 12 in July. Her parents decided to marry and raise her. I pray she is happy and healthy.
Then last year we were approached by someone we know who was thinking about placement. We did pray about it and received the answer "go ahead, but remember she has her agency." I won't go into that situation much, except to say that there were warning signs that we ignored. She had little or no family support about the adoption and she resisted meeting with the case workers at LDS family services. She became very ill through the last few months of her pregnancy and I wonder now if it wasn't her mind telling her body to reject the idea of adoption. For some women it is truly not an option. I do understand that. Once again we cried, we grieved for that dream we had almost seen coming true.
Now we are doing this again. This time feels different. The expectant mom has family support, she is keeping her appointments with the case workers. There has been open communication between her family and Berrett and I. We are hopeful but cautious!! She still has her agency as well. That baby is hers until she says it isn't and signs the papers. Still her mother encouraged us to share the news with family and friends. when we told our families week's ago, they cried, they hugged us and we had nieces and nephews jumping up and down.
When we told our Ward "family" there were buckets of tears, tons of hugs and handshakes and epic excitement. We now have over 150 members of the congregation praying for us and for the expectant family. They have been praying for us the whole time we have been on this adoption journey, but now their prayers are more specific. What is remarkable to me is they truly care about our expectant mom as well. They have expressed what great courage she must have to make such a choice. We agree. "J" is (what I will call her in the blogging world) very courageous to make this decision. Her family is as well. They know what it is to be grandparents and aunts and uncles, so they must have breaking hearts to think of this little one not being raised in their family. They also have very good reasons to make this choice. We pray that the Lord comforts them and blesses them for it. We pray for J, her baby and her family every day. I find myself in quiet moments sending a prayer for her multiple times a day. How can you love someone so much that you hardly know? I think about the atonement and how the Savior stepped in and carried all our sin, all our grief and all our pain, so we could be with Him and Heavenly Father. He made it possible for the children of our Heavenly Father to be Eternal families. Now J is going through pain of her own. She is giving this great gift to us and her own pain and suffering must be overwhelming. She may choose to make it possible for that little girl to have a Eternal family. It is still her choice. It was still the Saviors choice to accept as well. I pay tribute to her great courage and great love for her unborn baby girl. If she chooses us to parent her baby, we promise to love her and raise her to be as loving and as courageous!! We also want her to know of the great network of family and friends who will be there to help us care for her. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. She will have a great Bishop, great primary teachers and YW leaders. She is loved by so many long before she is even here!! We hope to see you soon, Little Maddi. We are excited to share in your life!!
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| J consider yourself hugged!!! |
